Working With Your Child's Teacher - Femina

Don't let each interaction with your child's teacher be a power struggle. She's on your child's side too, writes Srilatha Srikant

So you're all set for the meeting with your child's class teacher. Her terse note asking you to meet her at the earliest has you in a tizzy. Your usual equanimity deserts you. Why does the prospect of visiting a teacher leave you so shaky?

You might be surprised to know that teachers, especially new ones, are sometimes equally anxious about encounters with parents. When a parent initiates a meeting with a teacher, the latter's first thought often is, 'What have I done wrong?' Many teachers feel uneasy dealing with critical, demanding parents and report PTA meetings as 'high-stress' events.

Parents often complain about the uncaring and insensitive attitude of teachers. ''I do agree that some teachers are difficult to interact with, but parents too, are often uncooperative as they give conflicting messages regarding discipline and value systems," explains Maria Fernandes, a teacher of several years' standing. "There is no follow-up from the home on studies and a casual attitude prevails. Why blame the children for being unmotivated?"

As Mimansa Popat, Special Education Consultant and Counsellor, says, "Parents often have a genuine lack of knowledge about how to deal with specific academic problems that their children may have and hence depend completely on the teachers for guidance in this area. Teachers, on the other hand, feel that parents thrust their own responsibilities onto the teacher, or shirk them as they are too busy with their own lives. Teachers also have a paucity of time and large classes to deal with. So this tug-of-war between parent and teacher becomes a power struggle and the victim is the child who is completely sidelined."

The parent and the teacher know the child from different perspectives. Each may be unaware of what the child is like in the other context. Often parents hesitate to share specific concerns with the teacher. They fear that doing this may put the child at a disadvantage in school. Teachers however, welcome parents who take an interest in their child's education. It is important for parents and teachers to share the responsibility for creating a working relationship that fosters a child's learning and development.The foundation for a good parent-teacher relationship is open and frequent communication. Here are some strategies that can help you establish and maintain a good relationship with your child's teacher:

Establish Early Initial Contact

Don't wait until there is a problem or a complaint. Early contact helps build rapport and mutual trust. Let the teacher know you want to be informed about both positive and negative issues concerning your child. Ask her to contact you at the first hint of a problem.

Make Teachers 'Home Smart'

"Schools conduct teacher sensitisation programmes, but personal histories and cultural differences often contribute to deep parent-teacher resentments," reveals Ann Jose, Principal, Duruelo Convent School, Mumbai. Talk to your teacher about your home background and about the child. Is there marital discord? Are there financial or health concerns? Have the child's past school experiences been helpful or demoralising? What motivates and interests him? Well-informed teachers can tailor their approaches to motivation and instruction accordingly.

Attend PTA Meetings

A 'no-show' parent sets the ground for a possible future confrontation with the teacher. Your absence could be interpreted as indifference. Write a note explaining why you could not attend. Use the conference to learn about your child's weaknesses, strengths, and socialisation with peers, as also the teacher's expectations from you in the child's progress. Conferences are not for mutual fault-finding, but a platform for pooling information and taking appropriate action. If time permits, volunteer your services in organising special events like picnics, annual day functions, sports, workshops and the like.

Avoid Teacher 'Put-Downs'

Don't discuss teachers in inappropriate public and social situations. More important, avoid criticising teachers in front of the child. Young children deify their teachers and may be confused by conflicting messages from parents. An older child may turn defiant, rebellious or arrogant in class if he hears derogatory remarks about a teacher. If your child complains about his teacher, don't take sides. Reserve judgement until you have a word with the teacher. "Approach the Principal only if the matter cannot be sorted out at the teacher's level," advises Maria Fernandes.

Compliment The Teacher

Show your appreciation when a teacher has encouraged or shown sensitive understanding of your child that has helped boost his self-esteem and made him an eager learner. Act as her advocate at home by monitoring your child's schoolwork, showing interest in class activities, and responding to her requests and notes.

Working With The Teacher

When there is a learning or behavioural problem...

• Adopt a problem-solving approach.

• Describe your specific concerns objectively.

• Alternatively, ask the teacher to identify when, where and why a problem occurs.

• Brainstorm. Identify specific strategies to mutually tackle the problem at home and in the school.

• Make a plan. List concrete steps each of you can take to minimise the problem.

• Review periodically and revise your action plan.

• Schedule follow-up meetings. Keep the child informed about his progress and compliment him on even small steps towards self-improvement.