Is there an easy way to talk to your kids about the big 'S'? There is, says Dr Nandita de Souza

PARENTS today cannot afford to ignore the importance of providing regular and accurate guidance about sex and sexuality to their children. Often child sexual abuse, HIV/AIDS and teenage pregnancies can be forestalled by factual information, open communication and imparting of values related to sexuality. And parental involvement is crucial.

Children are naturally curious beings and demand information about everything that happens around them. Unfortunately, this does not last forever and they stop asking questions once they are teenagers. It becomes very difficult for parents to start talking at this stage if the lines of open communication have not been laid down in early childhood. If parents do not give information, kids will get it anyhow, often from undesirable and erroneous sources.

Of course, one has to distinguish between sexual facts and values related to sexuality. Facts are indisputable and universal whereas values differ between families, societies and cultures. Parents are the best people to provide values.

Sex education is more than just knowing about sexual intercourse; it involves understanding who we are as men and women, experiencing love and affection through relationships with our carers and significant others, learning about our bodies and reproduction, evaluating the sexual messages that society and the media give us, and making sensible decisions. Talking about sex does not encourage sexual interest or experimentation. In fact, research has shown that it is lack of information that is more likely to result in sexually risky behaviour or abuse.

It's Your Call
Parents have the responsibility and opportunity to educate their children and help them understand that sexuality is a natural and wonderful part of life! This can happen when parents simplify their explanations, impart their values, and accept their child's sexuality as a significant part of growth and development.

What To Talk About When
• Infancy: Correct names for body parts
• Preschool: Sexual safety, how boys and girls are different, where babies come from (birth)
• School age (6 to 9 years): How babies are made (sexual intercourse), check use of rude words
• Older children (9 to 12 years): Puberty - physical changes, sexual feelings, ejaculation and wet dreams, menstruation, homosexuality
• Teenagers: Safe sex, STDs, premarital sex, contraception, pornography

5 Messages To Your Child
• Your body belongs to you
• You have a right to say "No"
• Tell me if you feel uncomfortable about anything
• It is never your fault if someone hurts you
• You have a right to be protected