Is there an easy way to talk to your kids about the big 'S'? There is, says Dr Nandita de Souza

PARENTS today cannot afford to ignore the importance of providing regular and accurate guidance about sex and sexuality to their children. Often child sexual abuse, HIV/AIDS and teenage pregnancies can be forestalled by factual information, open communication and imparting of values related to sexuality. And parental involvement is crucial.

Children are naturally curious beings and demand information about everything that happens around them. Unfortunately, this does not last forever and they stop asking questions once they are teenagers. It becomes very difficult for parents to start talking at this stage if the lines of open communication have not been laid down in early childhood. If parents do not give information, kids will get it anyhow, often from undesirable and erroneous sources.

Of course, one has to distinguish between sexual facts and values related to sexuality. Facts are indisputable and universal whereas values differ between families, societies and cultures. Parents are the best people to provide values.

Sex education is more than just knowing about sexual intercourse; it involves understanding who we are as men and women, experiencing love and affection through relationships with our carers and significant others, learning about our bodies and reproduction, evaluating the sexual messages that society and the media give us, and making sensible decisions. Talking about sex does not encourage sexual interest or experimentation. In fact, research has shown that it is lack of information that is more likely to result in sexually risky behaviour or abuse.

Talk To Them About Abuse Too
Education about sexual abuse has to start early since an increasing number of very young children are left in the care of others, including family members. Children must know the correct names for their body parts. They should be told that the parts of the body that are covered by underwear or a swimming costume are called the private parts.

Emphasise that no one can touch their private parts without their permission. This is a "bad touch". It is also not correct for them to touch the private parts of any other person, even if asked. Tell children that they must say "No" to any touch that makes them feel uncomfortable.

Parents can role-play situations where children should say "No", as this will increase the child's awareness and confidence. Inform children that they should come and tell a parent or a trusted adult about any incidents that worry or frighten them, even if they are asked to keep a "secret", threatened not to tell, or told that they will be blamed for it. Lastly, repeat these instructions from time to time, using teachable moments.