Are you treating your man as an emotional dumping ground? How much unloading is too much? Shilpi Madan Kakkar and Nitya Alwani-Satyani count the ways...

You've had a lousy day.

It's complied with Murphy's law - everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did. Mentally reviewing the happenings at work, you snuggle up to him. He lowers his guard indulgently. And as if on cue, you start pouring out your angst. That involves everything - from the size of the potted plant on your desk to your boss' walrus-like moustache that prevents you from understanding anything he says to what your colleague had for lunch. Breathless at the end of your passionate revelation, you wait for his reaction. And after a long moment of shrieking silence, he blinks and grunts, "Hmm, that's tough..." and promptly rolls over and falls asleep.

Familiar terrain, this? You bet. Relax. And be fair. Take a long, hard look at the situation.

Agreed, you are tired, upset and disenchanted. You desperately need a shoulder to cry on, and someone to tell you that you are right and that tomorrow is another day. And he isn't listening, even when he says he is (with eyeballs glued to the TV as it brings into your bedroom another riveting episode of 'The Apprentice'). While it's all very well to share your problems with your partner and expect him to make the pain go away, you must practise some level of self-containment. For two reasons... one, you are an independent woman; you can and should take care of your troubles. And two, he has had a long (and probably difficult) day and is definitely not in the mood to listen to a sob story. Even if it is from you.

Tips To Tango

• Tell him you want him to only listen. You don't expect him to engineer a solution. Just listen.

• Mention what's bothering you, first. By dwelling on redundant details, you lose him completely.

• Make him a cup of steaming coffee. He's happy. And chances are, more attentive.

• If he offers solutions, hear him out. You'll wound his ego by scoffing at them.

• Should he tell you to drop the subject, drop it. There's no point in pushing. You'll only push him out.

• Respect when he really wants to be left alone and needs his space. We all have our mood swings.

• Lighten up. If you catch him not listening to you, look at the brighter side. At least you got your chance to vent. So what if it all went unheard? It made you feel better, didn't it?

• Tell him you want him to hug you tight. It means that he supports you implicitly.