Are you treating your man as an emotional dumping ground? How much unloading is too much? Shilpi Madan Kakkar and Nitya Alwani-Satyani count the ways...

You've had a lousy day.

It's complied with Murphy's law - everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did. Mentally reviewing the happenings at work, you snuggle up to him. He lowers his guard indulgently. And as if on cue, you start pouring out your angst. That involves everything - from the size of the potted plant on your desk to your boss' walrus-like moustache that prevents you from understanding anything he says to what your colleague had for lunch. Breathless at the end of your passionate revelation, you wait for his reaction. And after a long moment of shrieking silence, he blinks and grunts, "Hmm, that's tough..." and promptly rolls over and falls asleep.

Familiar terrain, this? You bet. Relax. And be fair. Take a long, hard look at the situation.

Agreed, you are tired, upset and disenchanted. You desperately need a shoulder to cry on, and someone to tell you that you are right and that tomorrow is another day. And he isn't listening, even when he says he is (with eyeballs glued to the TV as it brings into your bedroom another riveting episode of 'The Apprentice'). While it's all very well to share your problems with your partner and expect him to make the pain go away, you must practise some level of self-containment. For two reasons... one, you are an independent woman; you can and should take care of your troubles. And two, he has had a long (and probably difficult) day and is definitely not in the mood to listen to a sob story. Even if it is from you.

Mutual Miffs

He's rubbed you the wrong way. Let him know minus the cantankerous carp.

Talk, talk and talk, but time it right.

Don't expect apologies on an empty stomach or as soon as he comes home. And remember, men and women deal with situations differently. When a man has a problem, he prefers to go into a shell to mull over the situation and come to a solution. We women are different creatures.

We need to think aloud, recount events and analyse emotions.

Just talking about the situation is therapeutic for us.

You assert. He says you overreact. You demand undivided attention. He cares for you and listens, partially.

But you both still stay together.

Because opposites attract. In some ways, at least.