Are you treating your man as an emotional dumping ground? How much unloading is too much? Shilpi Madan Kakkar and Nitya Alwani-Satyani count the ways...

You've had a lousy day.

It's complied with Murphy's law - everything that could have possibly gone wrong, did. Mentally reviewing the happenings at work, you snuggle up to him. He lowers his guard indulgently. And as if on cue, you start pouring out your angst. That involves everything - from the size of the potted plant on your desk to your boss' walrus-like moustache that prevents you from understanding anything he says to what your colleague had for lunch. Breathless at the end of your passionate revelation, you wait for his reaction. And after a long moment of shrieking silence, he blinks and grunts, "Hmm, that's tough..." and promptly rolls over and falls asleep.

Familiar terrain, this? You bet. Relax. And be fair. Take a long, hard look at the situation.

Agreed, you are tired, upset and disenchanted. You desperately need a shoulder to cry on, and someone to tell you that you are right and that tomorrow is another day. And he isn't listening, even when he says he is (with eyeballs glued to the TV as it brings into your bedroom another riveting episode of 'The Apprentice'). While it's all very well to share your problems with your partner and expect him to make the pain go away, you must practise some level of self-containment. For two reasons... one, you are an independent woman; you can and should take care of your troubles. And two, he has had a long (and probably difficult) day and is definitely not in the mood to listen to a sob story. Even if it is from you.

Work Woes

The golden rule here is: Don't carry work home. That includes phone calls, files and sour experiences you'd rather forget. Understand the meaning of quality time. These are meant to be moments of togetherness when you do things together. Like a game of squash, trying out a new recipe or even shopping for essentials.

"When a woman tells a man about a problem, she does it out of a sense of sharing," says consultant psychiatrist Dr Anjali Chhabria. "Whereas when the man plays the listener, he looks for solutions that are mostly irrelevant to her. She just wants him to listen." The problem arises when he realises this and switches off partially. The woman feels rejected.

Parry verbally. If you must pour your heart out, look for tell tale signs that belie waning interest. If he interrupts and changes the topic, drift along. If he continues to blow circles of smoke, grit molars and change the subject yourself. Look for changes in his body language. By your whining about your co-worker, you lose him completely. He cares for you, not your colleagues. If you are deeply hurt and smarting from a sense of rejection, your better half will give you his rapt attention. "Men just sense the intensity of the situation," says Gayatri.

But be prepared to interpret his advice when you get it. Like he may suggest you quit your job, just because you keep cribbing about your workplace all the time. Don't jump to conclusions. This doesn't mean that he is averse to the idea of you having a career.