Becoming a part of his family is easier than you think, says Dr Vijay Nagaswami

Your wedding day, jitters and all, is behind you. The honeymoon has been meandered through. And you're now girding the old loins to get down to the serious business of becoming part of his family, even if he doesn't seem to be particularly concerned about becoming part of yours.

Be that as it may, everybody you know is telling you that in India, a marriage is not between two individuals but between two families, and that the onus is pretty much on you to make a smooth transition from being a subscribing member of your biological family to accepting his as your own. And you're jutting-jaw determined to make sure that you do this far better than any other recent bride of your acquaintance.

All of a sudden, you pull yourself short. How precisely are you to do this? You are advised by all and sundry to ingratiate yourself with the members of your new family; to accept everything they say and do everything they do without any questions; to gaily abandon your old family rituals for unfamiliar ones; and whatever happens, to remember that boats and apple carts don't work so well when they're rocked or upset. But this somehow doesn't seem enough.

You are bedevilled with questions, some of them only half formed. And answers seem millennia away. Maybe, a ready reckoner could be of some help?

To Be Accepted By His Family, Don't Try Hard To Be Accepted
Paradoxical as this may sound, this is true. The harder you try and the more you bend over backwards, the less likely you are to be accepted, for when you do all of this, you end up behaving unnaturally, will be unable to sustain the effort for too long and worse still, end up full of resentment. Just try and be yourself.

Remember His Family Is His Family And Yours Is Yours
Many young brides make the mistake of trying to trade in their family for their husband's. Never works. Your mother-in-law is your mother-in-law, not your mother. Your brother-in-law is your brother-in-law not your brother. You get my drift.