Not On The Bed, Darling!- Femina

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Here are five bedroom habits of his that annoy you - tear the page out and place it strategically, so he reads it too... Or, read and relate! By Ruchira Bose

Sock It
If we hate it when men wear white socks with suits, we hate it even more when men wear socks to bed. It gives us the impression that a man doesn't care enough to remove the things attached to his feet. How would men like it if women kept their sweaters, socks, hairnets, etc on during sex, huh?

Part of the thrill of sex is usually having both people in the nude, and that means not wearing socks. It is such a simple thing, yet it can make a world of difference. It's like men who hate women with ugly fingernails.

No Squeeze Please
It seems that when men get their hands on a pair of breasts, they regress to childhood and think they're dealing with play-dough and not with human body parts. Guys, don't treat breasts like they're made of play-dough, because they're not.

Breasts are beautiful works of art. Caress them and appreciate their form. Cup them in both hands and softly embrace them. Rubbing your own naked chest against them is always acceptable. There's nothing women like more than men who can appreciate, adore, and admire them as though Michelangelo himself sculpted their form.

No Biting The Exhibit
Why do some men insist on biting down on nipples as though they're extra pieces of skin that shouldn't be there? Stop treating them like they're uncooperative snacks because no matter how badly you want to believe it, nipples are not gummy bears.

Another nipple no-no is that irritating twiddling thing that men seem to find invigorating. Nipples are not radio dials, thus there is no need to behave as though you're looking to make contact with Obi-Wan Kenobi and we're your only hope. Remember, men have a pair too, so the next time you think that we enjoy it when you play 'Tune In Tokyo', perhaps you'll get a little tune-up of your own!

It's Not Porn Night
Here's another one - guys grow up watching porn and then expect us to be Rambheshwari from 'Japanese Kamasutra' or worse still Sandy The Wonder Woman from 'Nights Of Passion'. Let's make it clear right now, despite all that Pilates and Tai Chi we might do, we're not Olympic gymnasts from Russia! Men shouldn't expect us to do a porn version of Gemini Circus in bed!

Rodeo Nights
Ok, although men may feel inspired by all those machismo moaning in porn flicks - in reality it's quite a turn off when your man starts to drown out the traffic noise below your bedroom window. I mean, it's not as if it's a 'Who Can Wake Up The Neighbours?' competition - so turn down the decibel. A little growl is sexy, screaming 'Oh Baby' 3,286 times is not. That's what you do on Beer-On-The-Tap Rodeo Nights in Texas, not in bed.

Listen Up, Guys!
Here's a tip to all men reading this: There's more to women than just the hilly area on top and the tunnel down south. Don't just attack the sexual organs and treat women as though they are blow-up dolls filled with air for one purpose. Perhaps men like it when women cut out the imaginative foreplay and go straight for the main course, but women prefer being acknowledged as individuals with unique aspects to them. Groping the breasts and panting at the down under like an adolescent is expected only when you're paying by the hour.

You'd be surprised to discover different women's erogenous zones. Some women love it when the backs of their knees are licked; others love it when their men gently bite down their backs or the inside of their thighs. The idea is to be creative and touch women all over because that is the only way to discover what makes them hot and bothered!

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