How To Cope Emotionally
Stay in control of your feelings. Even if panic threatens to take over, always try and stay in control. Your losing your mental sanity will be your stalker's first victory.
Don't blame yourself - remember the warped mind of another human being is NOT your fault.
Don't confront the stalker yourself. Let others around you (parents, guardians, close friends) deal with it. There is no greater high in a stalker's life than when you react to something they did. When someone from your side intervenes, it sends the stalker a clear message: You are not alone in this.

Never, ever show fear. Don't give him the satisfaction of having wrecked your peace of mind. Be strong. Feel that strength from within, don't just pretend it.

Tech (S)talk
What is that one thing that one hides behind when making a new friend on the Net? Anonymity. You don't know who's beyond the screen, you don't know whether they are who they say they are. They may be lying about every single thing they've told you; the fact is, you don't know. And this is the very thing that cyber stalkers thrive on.

A little conversation, a little information and wham! Before you know it, say hello to your new cyber tail. But it's not like you've given them your number or address or anything, you think. Honey, they don't need it. If they can't find what they're looking for by hacking into your computer (which they can easily do, by the way... softwares are being sold illegally especially for this purpose), then they'll rely on the bits and pieces of information you've given away unknowingly during your conversations... 'Oh, that theatre is so close to my house', or 'Hey now that a Pizza Hut has opened just below my house, I am going to be stuffing my face all the time!' You even put those nauseatingly cute smiley icons next to your sentences, unaware that your 'friend' is taking notes.

A Victim's Story
Sanjay (name changed) and I started hanging out together when I was living alone in Mumbai. He came across as a sweet, caring guy with an easy-going attitude, quite ironic now when I think of it. He was based in Pune and I started spending many more weekends in Pune. It wasn't a serious relationship, we would go for movies, talk on the phone sometimes, that's about it. I realised it wasn't going to work out and I was not interested in pursuing something that had no future. I told him so - which was simple as we weren't committed; we were hardly even dating. Though he seemed disappointed, he agreed.

All was fine till I started seeing this other guy. Sanjay called one night when I was out with him. That was the first time I sensed an edge in his voice as he asked who I was with and why I was out so late with him. I told him it wasn't any of his business and hung up. And then it began. Calls at odd hours, abuses on the phone, character assassinations, the works. I stopped taking his calls. So he started calling at work.

I had no choice but to listen in silence while he ranted as I couldn't raise my voice nor could I hang up because he would just call again. He showed up outside my door one day and kept banging on it when I refused to open it. I was scared and alone and had no idea what to do. So I called my friend up and asked her to stay with me. He would stand below my house all the time and keep staring at me whenever I walked past. I made sure I never ventured out alone. Once he tried to stop me, but I refused to show fear and told him to go to hell.

Yet he had so got under my skin that I was beginning to lose my appetite, wasn't sleeping well and couldn't concentrate on my work. But the horror had only just begun. One day, I was alone at home and he pushed himself inside - the door was not shut properly.

I don't remember a time when I've been more afraid. He got down on his knees and begged and pleaded for me to understand him and asked me why I was behaving the way I was. We were both yelling loudly. He threatened to kill himself. That shook me and I begged him to leave then and promised to talk to him later.

By some miracle he left. I spent that night in a state of hysteria - shivering in a corner and crying like I would never stop. But along with that desperation came a stubborn will and a rage that I didn't know I was capable of. Who the hell did he think he was? How dare he take over my life? And that's when I decided that enough was bloody enough!

The next day I was going home. I hadn't seen my parents for a year and I needed to get away from this madness. Two hours before I left, he pushed his way into the house (yes, we realised the door was faulty later). When I saw him inside my house once more, a quiet determination came over me. I ignored his presence.

He repeated his threat to end his life. I told him quietly that he could go right ahead. He took a knife from the shelf and started slashing his palms. I was horrified but refused to show any emotion. There was blood spilling on the floor and he reached out and took my hand. I almost gagged at the horror of his blood on me but willed myself to remember how he had wrecked my life. It worked.

When I raised my eyes to his, there was no pity in them. He knew he had lost the game. I went to the door, picked up my luggage and left. That was the last I saw of him.

The Solution To Cyber Stalking
Though the Information Technology Act, 2000, is an encouraging beginning to stop cyber crime, it still leaves a lot to be desired as far as cyber stalking goes.

Says Inspector Narkar, Cyber Crime Investigation Cell, Mumbai, "If we get hold of the computer's IP address (which is like a signature for a computer) through obscene mails and the like, it's easy to nab the stalkers.

But such evidence is rare and because some servers have their base abroad (Hotmail, Yahoo) precious time is lost in coordinating the addresses and finding the guilty party."
"Our bane is cyber cafes. The owners are not legally required to maintain a record of the people who use the computers. So anyone can walk in, hire the comp for an hour and misuse cyber space as much as he/she desires and walk away. There's nothing we can do in those cases."

Cyber Safety
• Keep your password alphanumeric.
• Change your password frequently and don't keep it obvious.
• Don't exchange personal information.
• Don't open attachments from strange email IDs.
• When sending forwards, put all e-mail addresses into the BCC (blind carbon copy) field so not everyone can get everyone else's email addresses.
• Don't send out your picture. You have no idea what some sickos will do with it (read: Your picture + Photoshop = porn + blackmail).
• The minute the conversation seems inappropriate, leave. Don't worry about being rude; you don't owe anyone anything.
• Never agree to meet a friend you met on the Net alone. Take someone - even better - tell your parents.