Chill! - Femina - Indiatimes

Clinical psychologist Varkha Chulani offers an analysis of why you might be stressed and what to do about it

The holidays are around the corner, everybody is setting up plans for where to go. It doesn't matter 'cause when you checked your finances, you discovered you're zilched out. You can't go. So instead of making the best of your vacation, you've decided to compare and whine.All to get the most benefit of the holidays...

Stop Comparing!

Because we're human, and are born with a hole in our heads, making comparisons and continually looking over our shoulders to see what our neighbours are up to is common. But common doesn't mean sensible! What if, for just one time, you decide that you're going to pursue activities for their own delight, follow endeavours for the satisfaction intrinsic to them, and choose to do anything only because you like to? Would you then be as concerned about your neighbours' deeds? And as watchful of them, and mentally regulate their activities? And then, would you be more relaxed this season or all stressed out? Your guess is as good as mine.

Stop Beating Yourself

"I'm fat and ugly, who'll go out with me?"

"Look at my face, it's full of acne and I'm not as attractive as other girls my age." Sounds familiar? Like hell it does. Notice how many times you talk down to yourself and curse yourself. Listen to your thoughts. Can you hear them? You don't need enemies, do you? And then you wonder why you feel worse than ever about this Christmas and New Year.

It's because you seem to have more time on your hands this vacation, to put yourself down! You idiotically learnt somewhere that the only way to improve yourself is to beat yourself silly. You follow that advice unquestioningly!

Still, take it from me, if you really want a stress-free festive season, decide today to love and accept yourself as you are! Try it out and see. Savour the idea and find out. You're unique. Nature breaks her mould at every birth. You can CHOOSE to like or hate yourself. You've already tried the latter. Why not try with the former and see where it gets you!

Stop Demanding!

When you're upset, all you really need to do is ask yourself a simple question. Which desire of mine am I turning into a demand? You, like me, have the uncanny knack of becoming a magician. We take magical leaps and convert our healthy, realistic desires into unrealistic, unhealthy demands. And then wonder why we are all so wound up...

To be at ease this season and to make the best of the festivities, expect, desire and wish that things go your way and that people around you treat you kindly, fairly and justly. And if they don't, experience the healthy emotions of disappointment, dissatisfaction and sadness.

However, the minute you get frazzled, realise that you've slipped into needy mode. You now believe that things have to and should go your way and that significant people must treat you kindly, nicely and fairly. You've taken that leap from healthy desiring to unhealthy demanding. And then you don't expect to expeience stress?

Work at it girl! You'll realise that being happy or miserable this Christmas is in your hands.