Teach your kids to give you space for romance. By Shubhra Krishan

SHAH Rukh Khan's husky voice says, "Paas, aur paas".
Madhuri Dixit takes a few demure steps towards him.
Watching the scene from 'Dil To Pagal Hai' in the comfort of your bedroom, your husband slides his hand into yours and pulls you to him.

A thrill runs up your spine. Like magnets, your eyes lock, and your lips begin to draw closer, and closer, and closer...

Whoosh! Something crashlands on the bed and plants a leggy, skate-strapped wedge between you, missing your noses by a very narrow margin. It's Junior, of course. At six, he's a serious contestant for the title of Terminator on Roller Skates, and this was one of his many gentle demonstrations. "Mummy, Daddy" he trills, "how was my double wheelie?"

"Er, great," you murmur, marvelling for the hundredth time at your son's uncanny sense of timing. "Okay, then," he tugs at your arm, "Come out and watch me do a triple wheelie!"

As you leave your frustrated spouse behind to follow your child out of the door, pause to think: Aren't you being unfair? Agreed, kids are the fulcrum of family life, but shouldn't you build some space for just the two of you?

Get Rid Of Guilt
The biggest reason a woman compromises on her romantic life is that she's besieged by guilt about not being the perfect mother. 'I feel so bad - I can't seem to do enough for my kids,' is a common remark one hears.
But why forget that a woman also needs fulfillment in her emotional life? If kids are our responsibility, your relationship with your spouse is important, too. More than that, it is a unique emotional bond that fills a gap nothing else can.

Ever noticed how generous and loving you feel towards your children after you've had a lovely evening with your partner? This is proof that you make others happy when you are fulfilled deep inside.
So, if you hate to be selfish, romance your spouse for your kids' sake!

Even Parents Can Be Romantic
Some simple suggestions to help you take baby steps towards rebuilding romance:
• Teach your kids to knock before they enter your bedroom.
• Set aside one day a week to go out together or just spend time at home by yourselves. Slowly, your kids will accept the sanctity of your "together-hours", and learn to leave you alone.
• If your kids are slightly older, involve them in coming up with suggestions on where you and he can go for dinner or which movie you can catch. In turn, you could arrange for them to have their friends over, if you have someone at home to watch over them. When you return, tell them about your evening. Bring back a little gift or two for them - not as a bribe, but as a gesture of appreciation.
• Don't always say, "Go watch TV or play something". After a while, your child will start resenting this dismissive approach, and is sure to complain that you have no time for them. nstead, explain to your child that just like you leave her alone to play with her best friend, you also enjoy your time with Daddy very much. Suggest some interesting ways for her to occupy herself - maybe drop her at a friend's place, give her an art or craft project, or gift her a book that will keep her busy.
If nothing else works, invest in a good baby-sitter. You'll be glad you did. Happy romancing!

Your Child Needs A Model
ou are your child's best example for everything - or at least, you should aim to be. And so, your child needs to learn from watching the two of you together that the marital relationship is important and has been given its due. As she grows up watching you make the effort to stay close, it will inspire her to do the same with her spouse, laying the foundations of strong relationships for generations to come.

Research Reveals
•Parenting role stress is strongly associated with both mothers' and fathers' psychological well-being, and it seems to have a negative effect on marital quality. The number of children at home too, has an impact on parenting role stress.
•Economic status adds to both parenting distress and decreased psychological well-being. Parents struggling with economic difficulties feel higher levels of stress in raising children.
•Contrary to expectations, parenting stress is not exacerbated by women working outside of the home. Women's employment seems to have a positive influence on their psychological well-being, which indirectly affects perceived marital quality.
•There is a strong relationship between spouses' level of parenting distress and a moderate association between degrees of psychological well-being: For example, one parent's stress in the parenting role influences the other parent's feelings and behaviour.