Nerd Or Stud-muffin? - Femina

The heart wants what it can't have. It's constantly tempted by the pull of forbidden fruit. The minute you hear that something is out of your league, you want it...

Blah, blah and more blah!

You already knew that. It's human nature.

So then, answer me this. Why is it that the very fruit that you thought you could never live without a few years ago, today makes you cringe for ever wanting it in the first place? It's still the same fruit. It still has all the qualities that had driven you crazy with desire a few years ago. Then what's different?You. You've changed. And your needs have changed with you. Which brings us to our next little finding. Says Dr Anjali Chabbria: "When you are attracted to someone, it has more to do with YOUR unmet emotional needs than with the person who is at the centre of your attentions. It has more to do with who YOU want to be rather than who you want to be with." Which is why you are attracted to different people at different stages in your life. When you seek peace, you will be attracted to content people. If you want to live the high Page Three existence, a celebrity will seem very attractive. When you're bored of your marriage, an affair seems the perfect way to meet your needs. Making sense yet? Give it some thought. Look at the women around you.I did. And here's what I found.

In Their Teens

Ah, college! A time when things were classified into cool and uncool. The word 'cool' came up an awful lot when I asked teens what they looked for in a guy. 'Fun' was another. But their lack of eloquence is not to be confused with uncertainty. They know what they want. And they make no qualms about it. 'Cool' encapsulates many qualities - rich, good-looking, great sense of humour, good dancer, honest, popular... you get the gist.

What's the attraction? "At this stage, you need love. Anyone who comes along can fill that need," says Dr Anjali Chhabria. "It means you're falling in love with love itself rather than with the person." Maybe your need at that time is to be 'cool', to be loved and be popular. For Simran, when she was younger, her attraction had to do with wanting to be grown up, but in her 20s, the restrictions that her family constantly put on her draw her to men who are open-minded.

In Their 20s

This is easily the BEST period of your life. Ok, before the older group rises up in arms... if not the best, it has the potential of being the most productive one. Most women are getting settled in their careers, they're single, thinking about settling down and are discovering more about themselves every single day.

Says Piya, 26, "I was just starting out my journalistic career when I met him. He was in his 30s, a fantastic press person, and married. His years of experience, his command over his contacts, his fascinating stories about reportage and his passion for his work drew me to him."

What's the attraction? In fact, the 20s is such a dynamic period; it can be divided in the early 20s and the late 20s. The early 20s woman is having fun with her new job opportunities. She's full of adventure. She's not likely to fall for the 'nice' fella now. No, she's most likely to fish around. She's got loads of guys at her beck and call and she's partying hard and working even harder. Unfortunately, she is normally attracted to the guy who treats her like dirt and gives her a challenge to work on. As she grows older, her outlook becomes more focused. The late 20s woman is confident and high on success. She questions the necessity of having a man in her life. She finds stability and self-sufficiency attractive and she finds power and ambition irresistible, which explains why lots of 20-somethings fall for men in their 50s.

For Piya, her man represented the complete package. "She was looking for stability, which he has - in his career and at home," says Anjali Chhabria. "Maybe somewhere, she aspired to be like him. She thought, these are the people who are giving life their hundred per cent. And that is very attractive."

In Their 30s

Most married women I spoke to just couldn't be bothered. They had no time or inclination for attractions and the like. The single women were extremely focused on the kind of men that attract them.

What's the attraction? They're all unanimously tired of the club hopping and the meeting-guys-at-parties scene. They're grounded and self-sufficient and they seek someone that mirrors these qualities. Women this age are also becoming more responsible - about their health, finances and personal happiness and are looking to get married. Enter Mr Nice Guy, who was rejected so callously by these women in their 20s.

Says Shubhra, 35, "I am a divorcee. At this stage, I am attracted to men completely unlike my ex-husband. Maybe I am looking for things that I needed all that time and didn't get.""I was attracted to a lot of my brother's friends when I was in my teens. They'd humour me, treat me like a grown-up. Now, in my 20s, I am far more attracted to guys who are open-minded as opposed to the close-minded attitude of my family. And now they don't have to be good-looking to everyone else - as long as I am attracted to him, I'm happy."

Simran, 24"I was attracted to this complete idiot a year ago. He was everything my parents hated. And that was very attractive to me. I wanted to rebel against what they thought was the ideal guy for me. Now I realise it was all about the rebellion... because as soon as my need to rebel ended, I lost interest in him."

Ashini, 18"I was extremely quiet in my teens. I could never voice my opinions strongly enough in a large group, and was, therefore, always attracted to people who could take centre stage in a group discussion and hold court at a party." Pratiti, 28

"I've gone out with so many creeps when I was younger just because they were brilliant dancers. I wanted fun and good times then. I simply blocked out all their negative qualities." Vidhi, 23

In Their 40s, 50s, 60s

Older in years, young in yearning: For unmarried women, this can be a lonely time. Working women are on the lookout for men with successful careers and an open-minded approach. For a lot of other women, 'nice' was the only pre-requisite. Women are at an introspective stage in their lives. They reflect on the mistakes they've made and the life they'd dreamed of. It's common for many women in their 40s to feel a powerful attraction for younger men while married women in their 50s said they didn't feel the same as those men reminded them of their children.