The
heart wants what it can't have. It's constantly tempted by the pull of forbidden
fruit. The minute you hear that something is out of your league, you want it...
Blah,
blah and more blah!
You
already knew that. It's human nature.
So
then, answer me this. Why is it that the very fruit that you thought you could
never live without a few years ago, today makes you cringe for ever wanting it
in the first place? It's still the same fruit. It still has all the qualities
that had driven you crazy with desire a few years ago. Then what's
different?You. You've changed. And your needs have changed with you. Which
brings us to our next little finding. Says Dr Anjali Chabbria: "When you are
attracted to someone, it has more to do with YOUR unmet emotional needs than
with the person who is at the centre of your attentions. It has more to do with
who YOU want to be rather than who you want to be with." Which is why you are
attracted to different people at different stages in your life. When you seek
peace, you will be attracted to content people. If you want to live the high
Page Three existence, a celebrity will seem very attractive. When you're bored
of your marriage, an affair seems the perfect way to meet your needs. Making
sense yet? Give it some thought. Look at the women around you.I did. And here's
what I found.
In
Their Teens
Ah,
college! A time when things were classified into cool and uncool. The word
'cool' came up an awful lot when I asked teens what they looked for in a guy.
'Fun' was another. But their lack of eloquence is not to be confused with
uncertainty. They know what they want. And they make no qualms about it. 'Cool'
encapsulates many qualities - rich, good-looking, great sense of humour, good
dancer, honest, popular... you get the gist.
What's
the attraction? "At this stage, you need love. Anyone who comes along can fill
that need," says Dr Anjali Chhabria. "It means you're falling in love with love
itself rather than with the person." Maybe your need at that time is to be
'cool', to be loved and be popular. For Simran, when she was younger, her
attraction had to do with wanting to be grown up, but in her 20s, the
restrictions that her family constantly put on her draw her to men who are
open-minded.
In
Their 20s
This
is easily the BEST period of your life. Ok, before the older group rises up in
arms... if not the best, it has the potential of being the most productive one.
Most women are getting settled in their careers, they're single, thinking about
settling down and are discovering more about themselves every single day.
Says
Piya, 26, "I was just starting out my journalistic career when I met him. He was
in his 30s, a fantastic press person, and married. His years of experience, his
command over his contacts, his fascinating stories about reportage and his
passion for his work drew me to him."
What's
the attraction? In fact, the 20s is such a dynamic period; it can be divided in
the early 20s and the late 20s. The early 20s woman is having fun with her new
job opportunities. She's full of adventure. She's not likely to fall for the
'nice' fella now. No, she's most likely to fish around. She's got loads of guys
at her beck and call and she's partying hard and working even harder.
Unfortunately, she is normally attracted to the guy who treats her like dirt and
gives her a challenge to work on. As she grows older, her outlook becomes more
focused. The late 20s woman is confident and high on success. She questions the
necessity of having a man in her life. She finds stability and self-sufficiency
attractive and she finds power and ambition irresistible, which explains why
lots of 20-somethings fall for men in their 50s.
For
Piya, her man represented the complete package. "She was looking for stability,
which he has - in his career and at home," says Anjali Chhabria. "Maybe
somewhere, she aspired to be like him. She thought, these are the people who are
giving life their hundred per cent. And that is very attractive."
In
Their 30s
Most
married women I spoke to just couldn't be bothered. They had no time or
inclination for attractions and the like. The single women were extremely
focused on the kind of men that attract them.
What's
the attraction?
They're all unanimously
tired of the club hopping and the meeting-guys-at-parties scene. They're
grounded and self-sufficient and they seek someone that mirrors these qualities.
Women this age are also becoming more responsible - about their health, finances
and personal happiness and are looking to get married. Enter Mr Nice Guy, who
was rejected so callously by these women in their 20s.
Says
Shubhra, 35, "I am a divorcee. At this stage, I am attracted to men completely
unlike my ex-husband. Maybe I am looking for things that I needed all that time
and didn't get.""I was attracted to a lot of my brother's friends when I was in
my teens. They'd humour me, treat me like a grown-up. Now, in my 20s, I am far
more attracted to guys who are open-minded as opposed to the close-minded
attitude of my family. And now they don't have to be good-looking to everyone
else - as long as I am attracted to him, I'm happy."
Simran,
24"I was attracted to this complete idiot a year ago. He was everything my
parents hated. And that was very attractive to me. I wanted to rebel against
what they thought was the ideal guy for me. Now I realise it was all about the
rebellion... because as soon as my need to rebel ended, I lost interest in
him."
Ashini,
18"I was extremely quiet in my teens. I could never voice my opinions strongly
enough in a large group, and was, therefore, always attracted to people who
could take centre stage in a group discussion and hold court at a party."
Pratiti, 28
"I've
gone out with so many creeps when I was younger just because they were brilliant
dancers. I wanted fun and good times then. I simply blocked out all their
negative qualities." Vidhi, 23
In
Their 40s, 50s, 60s
Older
in years, young in yearning: For unmarried women, this can be a lonely time.
Working women are on the lookout for men with successful careers and an
open-minded approach. For a lot of other women, 'nice' was the only
pre-requisite. Women are at an introspective stage in their lives. They reflect
on the mistakes they've made and the life they'd dreamed of. It's common for
many women in their 40s to feel a powerful attraction for younger men while
married women in their 50s said they didn't feel the same as those men reminded
them of their children.
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