Right. You'd agreed to love each other and stick by each other for a lifetime - through thick and thin, but as it turned out, the lifetime together proved short and not-so-sweet, and the love died young. No marriage break-up is easy to handle. But how you handle your divorce will decide whether your life resembles a crisis spot or more of a neutral zone, negotiated with maturity and tolerance.

The Many Whys

Finally it comes down to these reasons that couples decide to call it quits.

Money: Too much (Yes, unfortunately there is such a thing) or rather lack of it, no planning and essentially different approaches on how to handle joint finances.

In-laws : On both sides of the divide.

Sex: Missing, mismatched, too much, too little.

Children: Or lack of them.

Fundamentally different life goals.

The 'Before And After Syndrome'

Let's not be blasé about it. Divorce is a destroyer, leaving behind a series of well-placed emotional landmines that go off when you least expect it. Life is a continuum, with your past and future so inextricably linked in the present that unravelling this knot is well beyond most of us. Everything that you do or that happens to you gets defined by 'Look at us then, and look at us now'. Birthdays, anniversaries, household objects (remember how you got to it just as the sale was closing), places (this used to be our favourite corner), all come booby-trapped with memories.

Depending on the stage of deterioration in the marriage, separation can range from pure relief to a hell of sorts. But looked at any which way, you are alone, so the best thing to do is to soak in it, swim in it and endure it.

In the end, you have to let go of the past you had and the future you thought you had, and move on.

Take The Best Road

Divorce proceedings look more like zero-collecting expeditions by the rejected spouses than the heart-breaking end of an intimate relationship. Here are a few rules to give your dead relationship a decent burial:

o Avoid costly court battles.

o Don't sweat over the small stuff. Or, to put it another way, try not to get even over the ashtrays and the prints on the wall.

o Get a damn good lawyer who can go the whole thirty yards if your spouse is being a you-know-what.

o Unless you have an abusive spouse, play fair - you have to look at yourself in the mirror every morning. It's not worth it.

o Involving friends and family is a dicey business. They want to help you, they really do, but they often bring emotional overload to a situation that needs an exceedingly cool and calm approach. Get the perspective of a detached, composed colleague.

o Don't make people choose sides, or for that matter, presume they are taking sides. The friends you lose on this particular swing, you will make up on life's roundabout.

o When children enter the picture, divorce can become a vicious and high-stakes game with no winners, just losers in the form of permanently damaged children. Both of you must subdue your egos, anger, and 'pay you back in your own coin' inclinations where the well being of the children is involved. Talk to them continually. Let them know it is not their fault. Don't fight in front of them.

Your divorce proceedings will be dictated by faith, legal possibilities and your own imperatives and inclinations. Whatever they are, if you are well behaved about these proceedings, you can claim the moral high ground on top of everything else that comes your way and come out ready to close this chapter of your life and get on with it.

Getting Cleaned Up

o Give your life a post-divorce revamp to suit yourself.

o Look after yourself - exercise, rest and sleep.

o You have been through a stressful time.

o Learn new skills.

o Redecorate your place the way you would like it to be.

o Travel to destinations of your choice.

o Catch up with people you like.

o Use the occasion to throw out emotional and material clutter.