SOMETIMES you can't stand your husband.

Sometimes you couldn't care.

Into every marriage, a little indifference does fall.

Sometimes, there are no quick fixes.

Welcome To The Club

A lot of women find themselves married to men they wouldn't marry again, given the choice. Yet such marriages have worked. There is a strategy and an order to all things.

After the realisation that the man is not what you thought he would be, you will feel tremendous frustration.

If you are the stronger, bolder type of girl, you may think of drastic action - of remoulding the man...

If you are the milder type, you will worry and try to adjust.

If you are the doormat type, you will leave everything to fate and ruin your life.

The only real strategy is adjustment, giving and taking. We're not talking about marriages in which there is abuse and torture - mental or physical. We're talking about a state of the union where he just doesn't ring your bells, or you don't ring his. So, we are looking at your happiness, your options to carry on as a wife and mother with commitments and yet be able to find joy in living. If however, happiness lies only in ending a relationship, then so be it, but let it be done with grace and dignity.

Work With Yourself

If you decide to work on the marriage, take time, but also understand that time will run out. You need to make a beginning. Think objectively and without bias and take a step forward to make the marriage better for you. The decision has to be yours. During this process, try to derive inspiration from happenings around you, from stories you have heard, the quotes you have read. Assimilate your small strengths. Analyse your attitude.

You need to be completely aware of your own strengths and weaknesses, your levels of tolerance et al.

In the event of not being able to match your spouse - in one or many spheres - introspection is the prime requisite. But having gone through the entire gamut of introspection, self analysis, discussion with the spouse, counselling and the whole rigmarole, if you are still where you have been, then go back to yourself all over again - but this time, to seek out happiness for yourself, to love yourself and to live happily with yourself.

Your knowledge of self will be the first step in the direction of happiness through alternatives.

Making The Best Of A Situation

Since you are the centre of your home, it is you who gives direction to the family. Your deft handling of a given situation can reduce tensions, and make the atmosphere congenial to happiness and joy.

Compromise and adjustment are an inherent part of every marriage. Very few couples are ideally suited to each other.

It is important therefore, to fortify yourself and protect your interests.

Say to yourself, "The fact that my spouse is not ideal is not the end of me or my life. I am "me" and I live for myself, but this does not signify selfishness. It is the beginning of self awareness and selflessness. I can live for others, only if I live. My identity is broad and encompassing and not limited to being a wife only. I am free to breathe, think, live and cherish my independence. I will have to be strong, clear and understanding."

Begin today to reinvent yourself - and rewire the marriage.