Priyanka Srivastava outlines a plan to help parents effect a language makeover

Rashmi felt as if her ears were filled with molten iron when she heard her nine-year-old son Rohan throwing the choicest expletives at his younger brother in anger and that too, in front of her friends. Rashmi had earlier noticed Rohan muttering certain unpleasant words, but never knew how much of a foul mouth he had acquired. Scolding, cajoling and some moderate punishment had earlier persuaded Rohan not to use abusive language. It looked like the habit was back...

The use of unpleasant objectionable words by children has become a common malady. Cute little kids are now routinely heard mouthing obnoxious words that would turn a sailor red with embarrassment. Two children fighting in a park will showcase a bad vocabulary that could prompt you to plug your ears immediately. And you know quite well that that won’t solve the problem at all.

Gag That Swear
Psychologists aver that most kids pick up such language purely by imitating people around them. Sometimes it is a negative form of seeking attention. However, there are certain serious cases wherein the child refuses to refrain from using abusive language no matter how careful the parents are.

It is important that the parents treat this situation as deserving of attention, and set it right with the help of psychological counselling and professional help. Regular use of unwholesome language is an indication of depression and mental stress.

Psychologists term this behaviour a ‘conduct disorder’. The problem of bad behaviour and bad language persists despite all control measures taken by parents and teachers. In such cases, besides using abusive language, the child even develops certain anti-social traits, a malady largely noticed among impulsive children. Research reveals that such children have low levels of the neurochemical serotonin, which lead to such problems.

Stress, depression and insecurity are some of the reasons that make the child irritable. Senior psychiatrist Dr Nirmala Rao and counsellor Malini Shah from Avishkar Centre for Self Enrichment in Mumbai explain that the manifestation of such behaviour is a child’s unhealthy way of coping with a situation, which could lead to certain personality disorders. They categorise the entire situation as a ‘tic disorder’.

This has two separate indications; the child might show rapid recurrent motor muscle movements wherein he bangs his head, slaps himself, etc or ‘vocal tics’ where the child picks up words and keeps repeating them without knowing their meaning. They warn that procrastination in addressing the problem might further complicate it and instead, advise that the child be referred to a counsellor or a psychologist to ensure a speedy and effective recovery.

Identifying The Source
So, from where do children pick up bad language? Here are a few possibilities:
You simply can’t deny the impression of the media on vulnerable minds. Children tend to imitate the style and habits of their heroes or even their favourite cartoon characters.
Kids pick up language habits from their ayahs, the school bus driver or the housemaid they regularly converse with. The same goes for neighbours or people in the neighbourhood.
Some ‘civilised’ parents too, tend to be foul-mouthed, and use abusive language while addressing the maid or driver, hence setting an undesirable example for their children.

Dealing With Bad Language
Start first at home by completely discarding the use of bad language with the people you deal with — the driver, the maid or the irritating neighbours.
Here’s a ‘gag plan’ to stifle the bad-mouthed monster from making its presence felt.
First, tell the child the actual meaning of such words. Though it sounds absurd, the next time he is on the verge of uttering the foul word, he will remind himself of its foul interpretation.
Make the child realise that it is healthy to express anger, but that she should not bully or badmouth the other person. Help the child express the anger in a constructive way. Give her examples of how she could have handled the situation better. Remind her that bad words hurt.
Make use of soothing words whenever the child blurts out objectionable words in anger. Give her a glass of water and calm her down. This will help her control anger, thereby gradually discontinuing the use of such words.
React strongly while encountering the use of bad language on TV or films. Tell the child immediately that only undesirable people use bad language.
Take the issue discreetly to the school authorities — this will help the teacher to keep a check on your child and other children at large.
Expose your child to good literature, particularly where the protagonist happens to be a kid. Your child will take him as a role model and start appreciating the good language.

Got any questions or comments? E-mail us at femina@timesgroup.com with ‘Parenting — Kids Who Swear’ in the subject line