The eternal romantic in Raghu says, “It’s not just about sex but everything around it is very important too. In a marriage, you need to be there with your partner emotionally and spiritually. One has to find sharing, confidence and freedom for each other along with the need to have a partner, the need to love and be loved.” Understanding this, they continue to move together towards a richer life.

Does the age gap bring up uncomfortable issues? Agrees Kabir, ”Essentially for me, it was the issue of kids. I was very clear that I did not want any because I already had mine. It was a big sacrifice Nikky made for me. It wasn’t that she didn’t want kids, but she didn’t want them from a person who didn’t want them. Also to take on someone else’s kids is a big adjustment because the roles are so ill-defined.

She is their stepmother for a lack of a better word. She’s not their mother so can’t play the role of a mom in a traditional sense. Also, with that age gap, the kids would roughly be the same age as her. Pooja and Nikky are more like friends.”

The age difference does not bring any issues, believes Meera, “I think it’s how you mould your relationship and how you mould yourself in the relationship. That’s the difference that will make it work or kill it. The age gap has no significance. This doesn’t bother me or come in the way of my thinking, way of life or going about doing things.” Similarly, adds Kabir, ”There are major adjustments to make in any marriage whether you are the same age or not. Love for each other grows as long as there is a bedrock of understanding and trust.”

In a flippant tone he jests, “The bottom line is, whether the woman is much younger than you or not, when it comes to domestic issues, the woman’s agenda prevails. A man don’t have the stamina to mentally, emotionally and verbally persist unless he is a complete MCP.” However, “about things that I feel strongly about, I will persist; I am not a complete pushover,” says Bedi in his defence.

As two people roll into their lives, does enthusiasm and energy from the older partner dip down as the years go by? A big ‘No’, affirm all the women. The men somehow are more energetic than their wives. “Sometimes I want Raghu to slow down. I can’t catch up with him,” says Gurmeet. With Kiran, “There’s always this battle that I need more sleep than him. Rameshji can keep long hours of work and yet be ready to go for a party at night,” she says. Meera, too, finds it difficult to catch up with Muzzafar’s activities.

What do the men say? “The only time that a tangible difference in our energy levels comes up is the time when we have to leave a party,” says Kabir. “I am ready to leave at 12.30 or 1 am, but Nikky can go on till 3-4 in the morning. I, of course, end up staying on and having a good time,” he says.

Raghu feels his enthusiasm for life is as young as his seven-year-old kid or as old as his grandfather. It’s all in the mind, “physical ages can be so dull and boring”. The same constitutes for sexual compatibility too. “Age factor does not hamper the sexual compatibility of two people,” says Dr Avdesh Sharma, psychiatrist in New Delhi.

“Sex is definitely not lacking in these marriages. Age is irrelevant but not health. Medical advances can always help you there. Moreover, since an older man is more giving, understanding and caring, it makes the relationship quite fulfilling,” he notes. Chuckles Kabir, “When all else fails, there is always Viagra.”

Do these women feel lucky about being married to maturer men? Yes, they wouldn’t change their spouses for anything in this world. There is no question of marriage getting jaded with time. “I feel that I have evolved as a human being a lot after being married to Raghu. I think girls grow up faster. When I see my friends and sister around me, I realise the advantages. Raghu and I both give each other time and space. We contribute to each other’s growth.”

Says Gajra, “I thank God that I am married to an older man. I was a stay-at-home mother earlier. Now I have come to a point where I am a 100 per cent career woman. It has brought a lot of change. If my partner did not have the openness and flexibility to accept that change, it could be a problem because one person is changing faster than the other. There is a huge demand on his tolerance, his openness and flexibility.”

As one sees many of these relationships, some aspects appear common to all. Most of the men were already successful when they married younger women. Perhaps what attracts a woman to a man is not necessarily maturity but his power too. There is a vicarious celebrity status which a woman enjoys by being the wife of a successful man.

Since men are more giving in these relationships, the women have the added advantage of enjoying a lot of independence. Also, an older, successful man does mean more financial security. The woman does not have to go through a struggle that is part and parcel of younger, same-age relationships.

Is it then an ideal coupling, the much older man and a young woman? As Sailesh says, “It’s not about age; it’s about mental compatibility.”

The Dashrath-Kaikeyi Syndrome