WHY do people think of visiting a psychiatrist only when everything else fails? "It's necessary for people to undergo training and acquire a license before driving a vehicle but they don't feel the need for any training before driving a lifetime vehicle of marriage?" questions Dr Sameer Parikh, consultant psychiatrist, Max Health Centre. Adds Dr Jitendra Nagpal, consulting psychiatrist, VIMHANS (Vidyasagar Institute of Mental Health and Neuro-Sciences), "It's not professional help but professional guidance that couples are seeking today."

What Is PmC?

PmC involves helping the couple understand each other's needs better, being aware of their own and their partner's sexuality, anticipating and preparing for the changes that marriage brings. Sakshi Ghosh*, 25, an Area Sales Manager with an MNC says, "Though it would be difficult, if need be, I would opt to stay away from my fiancé and pursue my career than shift from time to time according to his transfers and promotions." Her fiancé says, "What's the point of getting married and staying separately?" Marriages maybe made in heaven, but they have to work out on earth.

Case study: Courtship is dotted with discoveries - pleasant and unpleasant. Rajdip and Sneha*, recently engaged, immediately faced a small hiccup. He had to just light a cigarette and Neha would have panic attacks. "She sulks and refuses to speak to me. And it's not like I am a chain smoker - I'm more of a social smoker. If I am being nagged before marriage, I dread to think what will happen after marriage." A visit to a 'shrink' followed.

Expert's verdict : "It's a myth that people would change after a relationship. If your partner is drinking or smoking, chances are that he will continue to do so even after marriage. Don't be fanatic about your spouse's habits, and try to look at things from the other's perspective. Drinking and smoking within limits is not a reason enough to hit the rooftop." But again, the question is... who decides the 'limits'? These are questions that must be worked out.

PmC is an interactive session that encourages the couple to look at their strengths and weaknesses honestly, to understand what they are both bringing to the marriage. Important areas of marriage like goals in life, roles and responsibilities, decision-making, finance, sex, in-laws, conflict resolution, etc, could be discussed with the help of a premarital counsellor.

Case study: Shruti Desai, 26, Graphic Designer, says, "He is too shy and too quiet. I wish he considered me important enough to tell me what he is feeling."

Expert's verdict : Many women fall in love with strong, silent types and then resent their men for the rest of their lives because they won't talk to them. The thought that if your partner loves you, then if not today, then some day he/she will change, is nothing but a romantic illusion. Shruti's fiancé, Deepak, on his part found it difficult to express his feelings, and was advised on the basics of good conversational skills.

Research shows: that approximately 15 per cent of children are genetically introverted and that most of them will always be that way. Don't make your partner your photocopy. A relationship is about looking at life in the same direction but not at the cost of the other's individuality.