Are you the mum from hell, asks Dr Pradeep Kapoor

No one said a simple ‘no’ would work, but no one said shouting could do the trick, either. You shout at your children to get them to obey, but believe you me, it is more like using a horn to move buffaloes off the road — it has just about the same effect. Agreed, family life is such a cauldron of emotions that you have to be a saint to eschew the urge to shout. But then saints don’t marry and raise children.

Is shouting at kids the ultimate parental taboo? Should parents be censored unequivocally for shouting at their wards? Many people don’t seem to think so.

The Rant And Rave Of Parenting
“When angry, count four; when very angry swear,” said Mark Twain. And almost all shouters apparently agree that a good yell can actually clear the air and work to liberate and rejuvenate the mind. They sincerely believe that children have to be yelled at; it makes them tough. Their argument is:“We don’t want our children to be fragile flowers who will wilt the moment the heat is turned on.”

You shout at your kids, not because you think it is the best option, but because you feel drained, dominated, exploited, criticised and even humiliated. The stresses and strains of modern life have taken a heavy toll, and parents are perpetually on the verge of blowing their fuse. All it probably needs is a final act of indiscretion on part of the child and boom, the bomb explodes.

No one would advocate shouting as a desirable parental behaviour, but it must be remembered that parenting is not a popularity contest which has to be won at any cost. As parents, you should be more mindful about giving them a good education and instilling in them the right kind of values and behavioural patterns.

This is not an easy task and, at times, your patience will be tested to its limits. If you’re driven up the wall — shout, but do think of ways to manage the situation without exercising your lungs too much. The trick is to shout effectively and judiciously.

Grumble, Grumble
When you shout at children for their unruly behaviour, you have actually lost control over your emotions. While an occasional outburst is acceptable, shouting without remission, especially if the parent-child relationship lacks in mutual love, can be devastating for the child’s personality.

According to a recent study by psychiatrists at a hospital affiliated to Harvard Medical School, shouting at children can significantly and permanently alter the structure of their brains. These findings are scary if not downright terrifying, but we await further research to substantiate the same.

And before you start worrying about being indirectly involved in damaging your child’s brains, let me give you the good news! Most children quickly become desensitised to excessive parental ranting and simply switch off. They know the technique to down the shutters with a bored expression that seems to say, ‘Sorry, no one at the receiving end’ the moment their parental radio station starts its daily broadcast. That makes me wonder who suffers more, the parent or the child?

Loud Mouth