By Simmi Dhanda Sakhuja

“She was in her early 20s and I was in my 40s when we first met. I was playing Othello and she was my Desdemona. Though there was an age difference of 21 years, it was a very natural attraction.A real meeting of minds.”

This is not a tale of love from a Hollywood blockbuster but Kabir Bedi, actor, talking about his wife Nikky. They have now been married for 10 years, “a record for me”, chuckles Kabir.

Relationships, love and marriage sure are not governed by any fundamental rules. Ramesh Sippy and Kiran Joneja fell in love while shooting for Buniyaad. Ramesh is 13 years older than Kiran. Gajra, novelist and TV scriptwriter, was a 22-year-old budding journalist when she was captivated by the 35-year-old writer-journalist Sailesh Kottary.

Gurmeet was smitten by the renowned photographer Raghu Rai who was 22 years older, shortly after she graduated from architecture school. These are not just Mills & Boon romances between older men and younger women. They are marriages that have stood the test of time.

An older man with a much younger wife is always a matter of intrigue and curiosity. What is this mysterious chemistry that transcends age barriers — sometimes as much as 22 years? When the two persons are practically from two different generations?

Muzzafar Ali, filmmaker and music composer, 20 years older than his wife Meera, believes, “Age is the energy of the body and mind. You need a partner who has the same mental and physical energy. It’s important to find a partner who understands your mission in life and respects it. My mission is to accomplish peace, harmony and love in the world through my art. I needed to find someone who could relate to me and I to her. In that sense, age made no difference.”

Kabir has been married twice before and admits to have seen all sides of the equation, “I don’t think it’s got to do with age as much as it’s got to do with temperament. In general, our emotional ages are far greater than our physical ages. I was attracted to Nikky because she is very dynamic, lively, attractive and vivacious.”

It’s a known fact that men enjoy being with a younger woman. His young conquest is a huge ego boost. “I am sure there is something of the sort. Having someone much younger does bring energy and freshness into the relationship. I guess that’s part of the attraction too,” admits Kabir.

What is she attracted to? Is maturity his lethal charm? Or does she find sex appeal in his ability to be understanding and caring? That’s what attracted Kiran Joneja to Ramesh Sippy. She fell for all these qualities in him along with his tolerance, patience and acceptance.

“He’s my best friend and a confidante versus a conventional husband. I can tell him anything without the fear of being judged or threatened, without the fear that he could use it against me later.” Being married for 13 years now, neither has their marriage jaded their relationship nor stagnated them. Kiran continues to enjoy her independence along with Ramesh’s closeness.

Gurmeet reckoned that Raghu’s romanticism and positive approach to life were enchanting. “Raghu’s energy was inspiring. I didn’t know him as a photographer. But there was something quite different about him. He was always positive about life and there was no viciousness or nastiness in him. I was living on my own in Delhi and there were no family influences in the time I got to know him. The difference in age never played a role either in moments of love or quarrelling. With him, I saw a new dimension to life.”

Today Raghu and Gurmeet have been married for 17 years. Initially, Raghu was attracted to Gurmeet’s innocence and honesty. Today, he has much more to admire in her. It’s a relationship that has gone far beyond attraction or adulation. He loves her commitment to her work (as an architect in conservation) and family.

More