Sure-Fire Ways To Kill A Budding Romance

The rush of a new romance is an unparalleled high. We've all felt it at some point. The feeling that the world is indeed a beautiful place. Actually, when you become infatuated with someone, the neurotransmitters in your brain - dopamine mainly - trigger a feeling of buoyancy, elation, and a general feeling of blissful wellbeing. Of course, along with that high comes insecurity. And sometimes, that's enough to put the dampers on a budding romance, which is at a fragile stage as it is, even without your anxiety. Ok, so you're young, burdened by the proverbial biological clock, not to mention anxious matchmaking relatives. But that's no reason to make mistakes in the first few weeks, even months of a new beginning - which has not yet found the potential of being termed a 'relationship'. We asked a few women who've been there and done that, what NOT to do in a new romance.

Don't wonder where this is going: There's no easier way to kill the 'new romance' euphoria than anxiety pangs about where 'this' is leading? 'This' being the beginnings of what could be a lasting relationship. "Do yourself and the man a favour... give it time," says 28-year-old Sakshi Shukla, who, after two failed relationships, and a lot of pressure from her parents to 'settle down', scared away two potential 'good guys' because of her constant anxiety about whether five dates meant a possibility of 'happily ever after'. "I asked myself, and unfortunately the guy too, more than once, in just two months, whether we were compatible, whether he thought we were heading somewhere... I didn't allow the two of us to just discover for ourselves if we fit," she says. Just enjoy the many firsts a romance offers... the rest will work itself out, if it's destined to.

Don't obsess over what he thinks of you: In fact, at this stage, it's more important what YOU think of him. He's already taken with you, which is why he's going out with you. So don't worry about what he thinks of your hair, your clothes, your laugh, your preference of cuisine, etc. Concentrate on discovering what he's all about and decide whether you like him or not.

Don't try to be someone you're not just to please him: "I'm not very feminine," says 25-year-old Shivani Shah. "I feel like a misfit in a beauty salon, I don't like dressing up, I eat like a hog, laugh heartily at every opportunity and yell louder than any man at a cricket match," she laughs. When she started dating Nikunj, she took care to eat very little in front of him, refrained from guzzling beer while watching games and tried her hand at being docile. Big mistake. She found out that it was the very qualities she was trying to hide that had attracted him. So just be yourself, right from the beginning... he's going to get to know the real you eventually anyway. Don't mislead him.

Don't expect to be freed of your demons: When you enter a relationship with too much baggage, it's tempting to expect to be saved by someone you know cares for you. But don't unburden on him. Not yet. He doesn't know you well enough to exorcise your demons. He might be frightened off. When Suchitra Mehta, 26, started going out with Anand, she was still reeling from a death in the family, two traumatic failed relationships and was sure she'd never be able to manage a lasting relationship.

Looking for an anchor, she expected Anand to piece her back together. He couldn't. Not then. "I couldn't manage it," says Anand. "I wanted to help her, but it would take time and she was just too negative. Every disagreement would take on a deeper meaning of how I would never understand. She was right. I couldn't. Not in one month of knowing her." It's not wrong to expect your partner to hold you up when you can't manage it alone. Expecting someone who still doesn't know where you went to school to do so is being unrealistic.

Don't appear overeager: You haven't been with anyone for over two years. You think that the next man who comes along is 'the one' and you worry that he'll disappear if you don't pin him down. Calm down. You will scare him away if you're going to come on too strong.

At this stage, be friends with him. Meet him like you would a friend. Have fun. Laugh at him. Laugh with him. Laugh at yourself. Flirt shamelessly and have lots of fun. It IS a new beginning. Give it a chance to grow. And, keep the anxiety attacks at bay.

Is He Seeing Other Women?

I was dating this guy for two months, a workaholic, and we didn't see each other too much but we would talk on the phone very regularly. Though I really wanted to know where I stood in the scheme of things, I didn't want to have a relationship talk with him so soon. We got intimate, I decided to sleep with him, and I started wondering if he was seeing anyone else, since we'd never talked about exclusivity. I asked him about it casually and he said he wasn't. I might not have the right to demand that he stop if he was, so soon, but I would've had a chance to rethink my decision, even healthwise, if I wasn't the only one.

Aarti, 28

Clingy, Clingy

I was in an extremely vulnerable state when I met Ashish. Just two weeks into the relationship, and I couldn't stop obsessing about where he was and why he hadn't called me for two whole days! A very close guy buddy set me right. He made me realise (in not so many words... 'Get a life' was a phrase he used!) I had too much pinned on something that couldn't even be termed as proper dating. He said that a guy is instantly turned off by a woman who clings because he wonders why she can't see that he has so many flaws.

So he assumes she must be desperate. He also admitted after this talk that guys are weird. Well, I curbed my insecurities and backed off.

It worked rather well.

Shreya, 26