Chandni was enjoying a late evening snack with her friend Rupa, when Rupa revealed that she was bisexual. It would not have been too difficult to believe that Chandni turned cold and left hastily. But she continued to eat her snack, as she gracefully accepted this facet of her friend. Her mind filled with questions, she pondered over them as she went home. Confused, she gave up. But she was glad that she had given Rupa a patient hearing and not reacted overtly.

Conditional attraction and love (a man-woman relationship) is considered 'normal human behaviour'. So is bisexuality 'abnormal'? Or, are some women born with the natural instinct to get attracted to both women and men? While these appear to be great discussion topics for us, for some women these are secrets shut away from the world and hidden deep inside.

It is the most natural thing to happen to Mridula (33), a software professional, who has been involved with men and women since the time she was a teenager. "It did seem strange in the beginning so I was extremely cautious about how I behaved and reacted. But I accepted it and I am happy." She also believes that every individual is bisexual to some degree. Says S Passano, 34, "I think more people are bisexual than they let on, because there is not much space in society for these things, and also because people rarely allow themselves to explore the possibilities." Tanushree R, a mass media student, strongly believes that one needs to be mature and look beyond our pre-conditioning to explore realms of our sexuality. However, for her, being bisexual does not mean that she is attracted to men and women alike. She feels there are phases in life when one is attracted more towards a particular sex.

This brings us to an important learning: All bisexual women are not necessarily equally attracted to the same and opposite gender. There is diverse sexual orientation since some are equally attracted to both genders; some are attracted more to women than men, and vice versa. Some bisexuals have hanging sexual orientation. Mridula thought she was bisexual a year back, but now she is confident of being a lesbian and wants to spend her life with a woman.

Adam and Eve were the first humans in The Garden of Eden. What if it had started off with two men or two women or a group of both men and women? Well, then in that case bisexuality would probably have been normal. However, Geeta Kumana who heads Aanchal Trust, a support group for bisexual and lesbian women, feels that bisexuality is latent in every woman and that a woman cannot be sure that she is attracted to women till she has been with one.

If the Mars-Venus clash creates nerve tingling chemistry, then does the dynamics of a woman-woman relationship match up to that of a man-woman relationship? For A Singh, 54, being attracted to a man carries a different set of tensions and conflicts. Being attracted to a woman doesn't carry these tensions. A relationship with a woman contains a larger component of friendship and trust and comfort. Mridula adds that physically, these relationships are more satisfying than those with men. "I am more comfortable in expressing myself to women." With men there is a lot of flux in the relationship. But creating comfort in a woman-woman relationship is relatively simple. That is perhaps due to the overlap of demands and expectations. This does not mean that these women are not happy with men, but they are happier with women.

Mridula derives greater satisfaction from women in bed than with men. So it is for many other bisexual women. A probable explanation to this is dual. Firstly a woman knows best what another woman would like and is more likely to make her comfortable in bed too. While some women accept their sexuality, for others this transformation creates a lot of mental turmoil. Tanushree R spent nights crying as she was trying to come to terms with her sexual preference. "I was in the face of an identity crisis and finally decided to meet counsellors." Tanushree gradually accepted that she was bisexual. Tanushree says that she is open to getting married to a man or spending her life with a woman because marriage is about companionship.

For women like Tanushree, displaying interest in women always has a risk attached. If you are a bisexual woman you have to first identify who are the other women out there who are like-minded. Tanushree R keeps her life simple by being nice to all women. The ones who are interested respond. There are no definitive identifying features of lesbians, per se, although there is a likelihood of being misinterpreted so there remains an element of risk in the simple act of identifying a potential partner. Neeti Joshi, counsellor at Aanchal Trust feels that it works just as like in a man-woman relationship. The chemistry sets it off and you know when a woman is interested. A risk attached though is that the men you are still attracted to may be adversely affected by the bisexual tendencies you display.

There is no particular trend in terms of partners amongst bisexual women. Some are involved only with other bisexuals while some with heterosexuals depending on the comfort level of the other partner.

Since the number of people whom they can converse freely with is limited, they participate in online communities like the BiNet LA, which is an educational, social and support organisation for bisexuals and bi-friendly people. They organise a social at least once a month, usually on the fourth Saturday, providing a non-threatening, comfortable atmosphere to meet other bi-folk and make new friends. On this point, Tanushree R clarifies a commonly help misconception that these clubs are means of finding partners or means of satisfying carnal desires. "We meet to share our thoughts and express ourselves since it is a gathering of like-minded people. More importantly it is to get the community backing, since homosexuality is illegal in our country."

Bisexual women are as capable as anyone of being in long-term relationships. Many bisexuals are living in committed life partnerships. Mridula has been living with her partner since years now but cannot think of getting married. "Our country does not have laws in place for same-sex marriages and besides, my family would be shattered." And there is Alka who has been married to a man for years now but she knows that she is equally attracted to both.

A closer look at these women will hopefully broaden our perspective to the realities which have till date been hidden from our sensibility, for it is in the absence of conventionality that our sensitivity will truly be tested.

• Same-sex acts are punishable by death in nine countries around the world.

• The World Health Organization removed homosexuality from its list of diseases as late as 1991.

• Between two per cent and five per cent of households in the US consist of same-sex partners.

• Same-sex partnerships are legally recognised in the Denmark, France, Hungary, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden.

(Source: Amnesty Study on Violence Against Women)

Making Sense Of It

Every person bears a sexual identity (male/female) and a sexual preference for a male or female. These two combine to create varying permutations and combinations of sexual expression, all of which are within the spectrum of normality. The naturalness of these tendencies is multi-factorial. These include genetic/organic elements, conditioning, sexual trauma, circumstantial exposure like long periods spent in dormitories, sexual values and sexual role models formed in the early years of life. So, bisexual women are in a fleeting and constant flux in terms of their sexual orientation.

It is in the early teens that a person starts feeling uncomfortable with his/her sexual preference. This also depends on circumstances, which vary individually. However, some women are more accepting of their sexuality but some go through mental turmoil and more importantly an identity crisis and it is for these people that counselling is required.

The issue needs to be addressed non-judgmentally and one has to help the woman make a choice and assess the emotional discomfort that she may have to suffer in the long run along with the social and emotional price that comes with this decision. Parents are also involved at times and in some cases are the ones who encourage counselling. Is she ready and equipped to bear the burden of her decision? This question becomes extremely relevant in a society like ours.

--Dr Anand Nadkarni, consultant psychiatrist at the Institute of Psychological Help, Thane

Love In Ancient Times

Prior to the development of the concepts of the "bisexual" and the "heterosexual woman" as distinct types of people in the late 19th century, women were defined primarily by their familial relationships with husbands and children. Marriage served primarily economic and procreative functions rather than emotional functions, and women were expected to form their closest emotional bonds with other women. Even if and when these bonds became sexual, women were not seen as "bisexual" because of their simultaneous marriages to men, but as women because of their familial relationships with their husbands and children.

Even ancient Indian sculptures depict bisexuality to a great extent. Private women's parties were supposed to be notorious for sexual activities. Amongst men it was widely prevalent. Ancient Spartans even encouraged same-sex relationships among their troops so long as the men also had wives and produced children, since they thought that physical relationships between older and younger soldiers would solidify combat loyalty. In ancient Greece, men often engaged in same-sex relationships, yet most also had wives. Perhaps the most famous example is Alexander the Great who had many wives, but also a sexual relationship with his close friend Hephaestion.

The Kama Sutra thoroughly describes all types of sexual behavior and practices between heterosexual or first and second-gender men and women. This is by far the major portion of the text. Within these chapters, bisexuality is occasionally mentioned. Apparently, in Vedic times, bisexuality was considered to be more of a variation for men and women who were so inclined, and not as a category of the third sex. Because bisexuals engaged in the procreative act, they did not possess the 'napumsaka' nature of the third sex and other sexually neutral people. The Sanskrit word 'kami' indicates that such persons were especially fond of lovemaking and that they displayed this fondness in a variety of ways. 'Kami' includes people who are simultaneously attracted to both men and women or who engage in homosexuality for reasons other than natural attraction. Those who periodically switch back and forth between heterosexuality and homosexuality are sometimes known in Sanskrit as 'paksa-sandha'.

Bisexuality is a curious nature in that it can move back and forth, thus involving the question of choice, which is normally not an issue with heterosexuals or homosexuals. Heterosexuals often confuse the homosexual nature with bisexuality, falsely considering homosexuality to be merely a "choice" or "tendency." They are unaware that the vast majority of homosexuals, or roughly 90 per cent, have absolutely no attraction, natural or otherwise, for members of the opposite sex. Bisexuals themselves are often uncertain about their own sexuality, especially during adolescence.

In any case, bisexuals were typically accommodated within ordinary heterosexual society but would also frequent the third-gender communities where they were similarly welcomed. Topics discussed in the Kama Shastra pertaining to them include: Men who visit transvestites or masseurs working as prostitutes, men in the company of lesbians, transvestites within the king's harem, women of the harem satisfying themselves in lieu of the king's absence, and male servants who practise homosexuality in their youth but then later become inclined towards women.

What The Law Says

Section 377, Indian Penal Code states: "Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal shall be punished with imprisonment for life or imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to 10 years and shall also be liable to fine."

There has been no change with regard to the concept of this offence and its administration by the Indian courts. It is considered to be an offence against society, therefore, the legal system is obliged to punish all those who are proved to have indulged in it.

The concept of homosexuality as a form of co-habitation or of an enjoyable union of two individuals has not been the defense in any of the reported matters except in the case of two women police constables who were relieved of their service, when their lesbian union became public.

Since homosexual behaviour is legally a crime, organisations of homosexuals are not permitted as legal entities or bodies. What is punishable is the act of homosexual behaviour and not the discussion or talking about it or its representation. It cannot be advocated under the existing laws. If done, it would amount to abatement of the offence. It is punishable with 10 years of imprisonment and fine. No one so far is known to have been awarded 10 years of imprisonment for having been found guilty of this offence. In matters leading to conviction, the maximum punishment so far reported to have been awarded is two years.

Since homosexuality is an offence, there cannot be a regular flow of any organised information about it, which might further promote it. However, there is no ban on any publication, which deals with it from a social reformative point of view.

Under the provisions of various personal family laws prevalent and in force in India, two persons of homosexual behaviour will not be able to inherit the assets of each other on the grounds of their union and intimacy. If a will is made and is challenged by any other possible beneficiary, the said testament will not hold good in the court, as it is likely to be struck down on grounds of morality and for being against the public policy. If not challenged, it may go unnoticed.

There is no legislation, which might expressly protect homosexuals except by applying the general principles of law and order. The questions of seeking palimony or alimony or maintenance out of homosexual relationship has never come up before the courts. There is no provision in law for seeking such relief.

(Source: www.ilga.info.com)

List of organisations that can help:

Stree Sangam

Post Box No116619, Matunga, Mumbai-400019

Jagori

Add: C-54 Top Floor, South Extension-II New Delhi-110049

Tel: +91-11-2625 7015, Fax: +91-11-2625 3629

E-mail: jagori@spectranet.com, jagori@del3.vsnl.net.in

Website: www.jagori.org

India Centre for Human Rights and Law

Add: 4th Floor CVOD Jain High School, Hazrat Abbas Street; 84, Samuel Street, Dongri, Mumbai-9

E-mail: huright@giasbm01.vsnl.net.in

Lawyers Collective HIV/AIDS unit

Add: 7/10, Botawalla Building, 2nd Floor, Horniman Circle, Fort, Mumbai-400 023

Tel: 022 2267 6213 / 6219

Fax: 022 2270 2563

E-mail: aidslaw@vsnl.com

Website: www.lawyerscollective.org

OLAVA - Organised Lesbian Alliance for Visibility and Acceptance

Add: Post Box 2108, Model Colony Post Office,

Pune-411 016

E-mail: olava_2000@yahoo.com

Sangini (India) Trust

Add: C/o Naz Foundation (India) Trust, D-45, Gulmohar Park, New Delhi-110 049

Tel: 011 2656 3929 / 7049, 0 98106 71603

Fax: 011 2685 9113

E-mail: sangini97@hotmail.com/ sanginigroup@hotmail.com

Website: www.sangini.org

Sappho

Add: C/o A N, PO Box No EC-35, Kolkata, Pin 700 010

Tel: 033 2281 3462 (Mondays 1-3 pm)

E-mail: sappho1999@rediffmail.com

Swikriti

Tel: 0 98301 82419

E-mail: swikriti2003@hotmail.com

Prerana

E-mail: sahayabangalore@hotmail.com

Sangama

Add: Flat No 13, 3rd Floor, Royal Park Apartment, 34 Park Road, Tasker Town, Bangalore-560 051

Tel: 080 286 8680/ 8121

E-mail: sangama@vsnl.net/ sangama@sangamaonline.org

Aanchal Trust

Add: Tardeo AC Market Building, 3rd Floor, Room No 28, Tardeo, Mumbai-400 034

Tel: 022 2496 8686/ 8787

E-mail: aanchal69@hotmail.com

Samabhavana Society

Add: 602, Debonair, 153 BVS Marg, Mahim, Mumbai-400 016

Tel: 022 2446 7543

E-mail: samabhav@vsnl.com

Website: www.samabhavana.org