You
really don't need to run a background check on the guy you're going out with,
and so what if you don't have mutual friends who might help you. When you have a
lack of contacts, use his. Hang out with his friends!! Remember what they taught
you in grammar class about birds of a feather flocking together... So here's
what you can learn from the company he keeps or from the way his company keeps
him.
The
Way They Treat You
If
his friends show you no respect, make you feel uncomfortable, treat you like a
pile-on or flirt, and make passes at you, then he obviously does not care enough
for you. You know the way out. But if they seem to know a lot about you even
though you just met them, if they constantly reinforce how great your guy is,
and go out of their way to be nice to you, that means he talks to them about you
and they know you're special. This guy is worth holding on to.
Cool
Guy alert:
"The first time I met his
friends, I was taken aback at the enthusiasm with which they greeted me. They
all knew who I was and almost everyone said how they have been DYING to meet me
because they were sick and tired of hearing about me from him. They were all
warm to me and his closest buddies immediately set out to know me better. I was
really touched."
Shraddha,
25
The
Way They Dress And Behave
Every
guy thinks he's really cool and in his mind, so are his friends. And boys love
to tell stories about all the fun things they do together. So he might paint a
picture about his friends being as hip as Archie and the gang, and chances are
that is true. You will probably end up meeting Archie and the gang just as they
were...in the 60s. And realise that the man is quite the nerd. And realise that
the man is quite the nerd.
Now
you've got to get your priorities right here, if this supposedly 'uncool'
setting embarrasses you, it's your call. You can show yourself out. but if
you're in it for him - drab nerd appearance and not-so-hip-friends et al, you'll
have to work yourself carefully around this. Go out on your own more often.
Explain that you're uncomfortable around his friends (you can keep the they're
so uncool' reason to yourself)
Nerd
alert:
"The first time I went out with
my guy's friends...! Actually came back and reconsidered our relationship. I
mean, I wouldn't break up with him just because of his friends, but he enjoyed
their company I on the other hand, didn't find them humorous, and most of the
evening was downright embarrassing, the jokes, the behaviour, the way he was
reaching to them. But I do like him so I'm going to give this a few more
shots."
Nikita,
23
The
Way He Treats Them
If
he regularly bitches about his friends, or if he's constantly lying to them
about where he is, and what he's doing, there's obviously not much love there.
And if he is always shooting his mouth off about the people he claims to be
closest to, well, who knows what he's saying about you. But if he treats them
with respect, trusts them, and is there for them whenever they need him, it says
a lot about the kind of man he is.
Nice
guy alert:
"His close friend's mother
suffers from an illness that requires lots of care and attention. So he usually
doesn't come out with the gang as he doesn't want to leave her alone or with a
maid. As opposed to the fuss the others made about his continual problems (we
were all young and didn't have any responsibilities on our shoulders so not
everybody got his problems), my boyfriend always admired his friend's devotion
to his mom. It told me how sensitive he was to others and also that his
priorities were all in the right place."
Maria,
25
The
Way They Treat Him
If
he's the butt of all their jokes, if he's always footing their bills, or bailing
them out of trouble even at the cost of his own reputation, then he's probably a
sucker who doesn't mind being manipulated and used, just so he gets to hang with
them. He's a classic case of the nerd who is in awe of his friends but is only
accepted by them because he has something to give. So either inspire
self-confidence in him the way only a woman can and get him to change his
friends or leave before you lose all respect for him.
Doormat
alert:
"It didn't take me too long to
realise that the only reason my guy was around his friends was because he was
rich and always had a flashy car with him. It was the classic 'lonely rich boy'
story. Quite pathetic, really, the way they used him. I tried to make him see
that but he didn't believe me. He accused me of being jealous. I saw the lack of
spine and the ego hassles early on. That was my cue to leave."
Tara,
22
The
Way They Feel About Themselves
If
his friends lead an extremely lavish lifestyle that you find ostentatious and
suffocating, if they look you up and down to see what you're wearing, if they
only interact with people of the 'right' financial and social positions, you
should know that you'll never fit in with his crowd. But what's important here
is your man's attitude to this. Does he agree with their
we're-better-than-everyone-else attitude? If yes, you know what to do. But if
he's not like that, and doesn't let his attitude change because of them,
encourage him to meet other like-minded people. Subtly. He'll enjoy himself and
you can breathe freely and behave as uncouthly as you wish.
Snob
alert:
"I was appalled the first time I
met his pals. I actually asked him, 'Are these people really your friends?' when
we were going home. They looked down at everything, they criticised every single
human alive (or dead, actually) and I cringed at their behaviour towards the
waiter at the restaurant. But my fellow saved the day. He smoothly interjected
when his 'buddy' was barking at the waiter and took over the order, calling the
waiter to his side and speaking softly to him and smiling in an embarrassed
manner. It really gave me an insight into the kind of guy he is."
Shibani,
28
The
Way They Party
If
his friends give you the creeps, have disgusting hobbies and interests such as
alcoholism and drugs, regular visits to dance bars, gambling and tend to indulge
in street fights or bar brawls, get in constant trouble with the law even if
it's for drunken driving, you can be sure your man is no saint either. And while
he may successfully cover all his flaws, he or his friends are bound to slip in
conversation about their lives. So pay attention and get yourself out of this
mess at the first sign of any trouble!
Creep
alert:
"My boyfriend was a dream. We
had a blast together. He was attentive and the life of each party. But when we
started going out with his friends, I was a little concerned, as they looked
like a rough crowd. But I assumed that they were just one of the many groups he
was part of... he was so popular. But it became clear that this gang was his
close circle. A couple of his friends did drugs and talked about dance bars
when we went out, and though he always seemed out of it, there were a lot of
knowing smiles and looks which made me wonder about what went on when I wasn't
around. I also started getting the feeling that he didn't really respect women.
One of them even made a sleazy pass at me and he didn't even take it seriously
enough to confront him. He shared his friend's narrow-minded views about women.
When the fights in the bars and drunken brawls became regular, I left."
Sania,
24
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