MEN are strange creatures . They'll be in the throes of a passionate session of lovemaking, and all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, they will say the stupidest thing possible. It is as though there is some law that declares: Article 152.53 of The Law of Nature "A man shall, at every possible opportunity during sexual intercourse, put his foot in his mouth, by mentioning ex-girlfriends, models, mothers, unflattering body parts, food, sports, anal sex, etc..."

Get my point? Men sometimes don't know when to keep their mouths shut. Thus, instead of giving the usual 'physical' sex tip, we decided to get our readers to pool in with the darndest things they've heard their men say in bed! After all, what's more amusing than men!

1. Do you smell something burning?

2. Did you remember to take the pill?

3. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

4. But everybody looks funny naked!

5. Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper...

6. I think you have it on backwards.

7. You woke me up for that?

8. Try breathing through your nose.

9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?

10. Can you please pass me the remote control?

11. ZZZZZZZ (snore) ZZZZZZZ(snore) ZZZZZZZ (snore) ZZZZZZZZ....

12. How much did this nightie cost?

13. When is this supposed to feel good?

14. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.

15. Perhaps you're just out of practice.

16. What tampon?

17. Did you come yet, dear?

18. Him: This is your first time..right?

You: Umm...

19. And to think I was really trying to pick up your friend!

20. So much for mouth-to-mouth.

21. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

22. But I just brushed my teeth...

23. So much for the fulfillment of sexual fantasies!

24. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

25. I told you it wouldn't work without batteries!

26. You sure your parents are out of town, na?

27. No, really... I do this part better myself!

28. You're almost as good as my ex!

29. Is that you I smell or is it something under the mattress?

30. You look younger than you feel.

31. You sweat more than a galloping horse!

32. They're not biscuit crumbs, it's just a rash.

33. Now I know why he dumped you...

34. Really! Foreplay is grossly overrated.

35. Have you ever considered liposuction?

36. I have a confession...

37. Are those real or am I just behind the times?

38. Were you by any chance repressed as a child?

39. I really hate women who actually think sex means something!

40. ,I'll tell you who I'm fantasising about if you tell me who you're fantasising about...

41. Does this count as a date?

42. Hic! I need another beer for this please.

43. You could at least ACT like you're enjoying it!

44. How long do you plan to be 'almost there'?

45. You mean you're NOT my blind date?