I
HAVE a belief that in my last birth, I was a tailor's dog. This is because I
love clothes in this life, and also have a deep understanding of dogs and their
feelings.
BUT
somewhere in the distant past of my many past lives, I must have also been a
cat. Which probably explains my dislike for changing places or houses.
IN
fact there is still in my heart a tiny regret for the many homes I have lived in
and left behind... and so deep is the hurt over the demolition of my grand
aunt's home in Chennai where I have spent many happy holidays, that even today,
almost 25 years later, I choose another road rather than drive past the site
where the imposing building and its grounds once stood.
BUT
change is inevitable, and even as I write this, I am sitting in a place not far
away from the room I have occupied for the past 11 years and feeling the
change.
LET
me explain this... and in the process, clear it in my own mind.
THE
room that was my office till yesterday was such that at a pinch you could play a
game of croquet in it. I had enough space to hang my paintings, a mirror for
quick fixes, and surround myself with my books, bric-a-brac and other things
that make an office feel like one's own.
TODAY,
I sit in the equivalent of a thimble. A tiny space, with no doors, and from
where I can see the rest of the floor and anyone who so desires can see
me.
BUT
surprisingly, despite my fears, which I locked away through the months of
renovation work, I am not depressed. Maybe the cat's nine lives are over and it
has left my psyche completely. Or maybe it is the fact that as life goes on, we
learn to see the brighter side of things rather than look at the
negatives.
IN
fact, even as the new area was being created, and I saw the space taking on
shape and the shapes taking on colour, it looked like an exciting place to
be.
AND
now, I see why. The light, for one, energises, and the space, though small, is
bright with natural light, and thus a definite change from the dark, airless and
lightless room of the immediate past. There, if the electricity
failed, it would plunge me into a darkness so deep that I could, with a bit of
imagination, believe myself underground. Here, even in the night, the light from
the road and the sky reflects.
AND
that makes the vital difference. In the past I have heard people say that living
in a dark place can be depressing. Being cut off from sounds of daily living can
alienate. I refused to let it happen to me, but now that I am in the light and
can hear the occasional bus roaring three floors below, and see the stars if I
open the slats of the window above me, I think the energy has begun to flow into
me and I can aspire to a new high.
ALL
the thought and effort that has gone into creating a creative space for creative
minds cannot be in vain.
AND
in understanding this is my celebration.