Couple troubles and what to do about them.
By Shubhra Krishan

LIKE waves crashing against the seashore, hearts break every day. But while tidal waves are a force of Nature nobody can defy, relationships can be repaired. Yes, you can avoid hurtling down Heartbreak Heights if you recognise the signs of a storm brewing.

Signs That Scream ‘Dump Him’
A Me-Me-Me Guy: All that seems to count for him are his looks, his clothes and his plans. If he were Jack in ‘Titanic’, he’d grab the raft and let you sink. You figure in his scheme of things only as someone who finds him as wonderful as he does. Leave him to self-obsess.

Not A Mr Lean-On-Me: He says, “Of course I’ll pick you up” and doesn’t come. He keeps you guessing till the last minute if your movie date for tonight is still on. In short, he’s about as reliable as rainfall on a summer’s day in the desert. Count on what your heart is telling you: Ditch this dubious guy.

He refuses to get off the driver’s seat: If you want to see a chick-flick and he wants to see a Van Damme starrer, the victory is always his. You hate Chinese, but he loves it, so he cheerfully tells you to survive on soup while he tucks into forkfuls of Hakka noodles. Where you dine, what you wear, whom you meet — he’s the signing authority of the Decisions Department. Time you decided to leave him.

He’s a chronic nag: He constantly chides you on your poor dress sense and feels you need to improve vastly on your career goals, your cooking skills, and kissing technique. His negative energy is beginning to depress you. Do something positive: Walk out.

He Lies: If his stories don’t gel, and if he always has a story or two to tell, put an end to this chapter in your life.

He makes you yawn: Granted, he has ShahRukh Khan’s face on Pierce Brosnan’s body, and knows a thing or two about style. But does he make you smile and laugh? Is he fun to be with? Or does he ignore your snores while he waxes eloquent on the intricacies of mushroom harvesting? If yes, time to wake up and run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

There’s No Letting Go
In each of these cases, the guy sounds like a Mister-Not-so-Right, and it’s probably best to say bye. But sometimes, when despite your troubles, you can picture yourself with the guy 20 years from now, it can be worth your while to revive a sinking relationship. If so, here’s help.

A Little Time: Sometimes, relationships suffer because you’re simply too busy to nurture them. If that’s what’s eating him up, squeeze a few seconds for him despite your crazy schedule — even if it is a short phone call to say ‘hello’.

A Little Tact: Okay, so you hate the way he talks while chewing and you don’t find his friends hot. Don’t let these resentments fester because little things can grow into relationship monsters. Instead, find gentle and tactful ways to let him know what bothers you.

A Little Understanding: There’s scientific evidence to show that men and women respond differently to situations. In others words, the climate on Mars and Venus is quite dissimilar. So if he refuses to ask for directions or grunts when you speak, blame it on his chromosomes.

A Little More Understanding: Imagine that your eyesight is perfect, but your partner’s isn’t. Or, picture yourself waddling around in his huge shoes, while he tries to squeeze into your petite sandals. Just like your vision and your sizes differ, your ideas are also bound to be different. It helps to realise that sometimes, there’s no right or wrong point of view — people just think differently.

A Little Space: If he doesn’t want to eat more, don’t insist. If he loves his hairstyle, don’t nag him to change it. If he wants to spend an evening alone, don’t make him feel guilty about it. Give him breathing space. Don’t cling.

Remember, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, and perhaps little imperfections are what keep things interesting!

Sound Familiar?
For two years, Nitya, a bubbly young girl, dated Vinay, a bright and handsome MBA student. But by the time she was 24, she began to feel restless in the relationship. What was wrong? On the face of it, very little. Vinay was caring, always buying her flowers and chocolates and thinking up sweet surprises. But he was getting possessive. He’d be upset if she went out with her friends to grab some ‘chaat’ or catch a movie. If she was 10 minutes late he would sulk all evening. If she said ‘Hello’ to a male friend, he frowned. Nitya began to feel stifled, and did the only thing she could do.