Girlfriends bring casseroles and scrub your bathroom when you are sick;
Girlfriends keep your children and your secrets;
Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it;
Girlfriends don’t always tell you that you’re right;
Girlfriends laugh with you;
Girlfriends pull you out of jams;
Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes; girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and truly, when the hard times come;
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a husband;
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart;
Girlfriends listen when your parents’ minds and bodies fail;
Girlfriends bless our lives.

When Delhi designer Anjana Bhargava was in the midst of her show in Paris, things began to go chaotic. At least, that’s how she saw it. She knew she had to get on a phone to her friend Anju Munjal back home at all cost. Anjana needed Anju to say, ‘Things can’t be so bad’ for her to feel all right — a habit with her for the last two-and-a-half decades.

Likewise for Anju, her closest friend, who, when stress levels in her job as vice president, public relations, hit an unbearable high, calls Anjana anywhere any time to “get things off my chest”.

“When a female friend tells me everything is going to be all right, it means more than a guy telling me,” says Sheetal Jhaveri, a Mumbai homemaker.

Every time Anjoo Mohan needs to ‘talk something out’ desperately, she doesn’t hesitate to call any of her three close friends. “I know if I pick up the phone and call any of them, whatever the time, I know I’ll get a hearing,” says the head of communications, British Council, India.
Actress, producer and director Lushin Dubey believes, “A friend is someone with whom you can share a special comfort level.”

Anjana, Sheetal, Anjoo and Lushin are only reconfirming what most women know — in good times and bad, they need to ‘download’ themselves to a patient female ear. Someone who will listen attentively, feel elated at their happiness, have something reassuring to say to make the burden of the moment seem less onerous. Someone just like them.

Stressing The Difference!
And now there’s clinical reaffirmation of the general belief that women get through life with a lot of ‘lift’ from their close friends. A landmark study has shown that the Mars and Venus syndrome applies even when it comes to reacting to stress. When women are under stress, they ‘have coffee and bond’, whereas men withdraw into themselves.

Leading sociologist Dr Patricia Uberoi, Institute of Economic Growth, Delhi, elaborates: “Female bonding does act as a great relief from daily stress. In fact, it is when you don’t have close friendships that you have conditions of breakdown.” It is also because women have learnt to share self, to look beyond the ‘I’, whereas for men, it starts and ends with ‘I’, says Dr Vanit Nalwa, Delhi-based psychologist and hypno-therapist.

‘Emotional’ bonding seems to be the keyword. Says Tanveer Koreishi, Corporate Communications consultant, of close friend Mallika Sarabhai, “She’s been my emotional anchor and professional navigator, been there for me through ups and downs, like when I had to deal with the loss of my parents and brother.”

Mansi Khanna, photographer and web writer from Bangalore, says: “It’s not like guys haven’t supported me, but I think women friends undoubtedly help you battle disappointments and failures better. As for heartbreak, well I think only a woman can really understand that completely!”

The Tending Instinct