Love is the one emotion that’s the hardest to pin down, says Anita Menon.
Someone sang “ I wanna know what love is... I want you to show me... ” Yeah buddy, you, me and everyone else!
Yet another lot sang, “ What is love? Baby don’t hurt me... ” Doesn’t give you a lotta hope, does it?
GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF IT Love is one four-letter word that everyone uses and abuses, and, given the frequency with which one hears it, you’d think people would KNOW what they were talking about. But think about it, would ya? What would people say if you asked them about it? If you took four people and put them in a room, what would you get... apart from the possibility of an orgy? You’d get four very different answers — most of them beginning with, “Well, it’s difficult to explain...”
To the romantic soul, it evokes a sigh, and conjures up a much-treasured fantasy of a perfect relationship complete with cliches. To the cynic, it’s a “Bah! Humbug! Who needs it?” thing, while to the person who cried her way through Love Story , the ‘love-means-never-having to-say-sorry’ funda is held as the acme of this emotion.
It has helped build financial empires — cards, jewellery, cuddly toys, holiday schemes, TV series ( The Love Boat was a popular TV series in the US in the ’80s), dining themes... Wherever you look, someone’s selling you love, or doing a darned good job of packaging something that will supposedly bring you love.
The cartoonist Kim Casali, well known for her cute li’l couple (though why they have to be nudeniks, we’re not sure) in the widely-syndicated ‘Love Is...’ strip talks of love as being everything from doing the dishes together, to giving each other a hug at the end of a hard day. Thanks honey... you managed to include the kitchen sink too! Not much help in there.
And books... let’s not forget those. They gave all of us a ‘tall, dark and handsome’ complex — though at least in India, you can get two out of three pretty easily!
We equate love with a guy who is either a soldier of fortune who has been sent to rescue us from a steaming jungle, or a tough business guy with an oh-so-tender interior which he’s scared to let the world know about. But let’s face it, when the books talk about rolling over in bed first thing in the morning and getting down to it, well, forgive the scepticism... but do you really want to share someone else’s morning breath?
THE TRUTH OF IT ALL But fiction apart, here’s what a few flesh-and-blood people said when we cornered them and asked them about love.
Love is...
...one person out of two getting screwed - literally and figuratively! Derek D’Souza, doctor-in-the-making
...the way he cheers me up just by walking into the room ...him telling me that we should go out for brownies and ice cream when everyone else is telling me I need to lose weight! ...a feeling of contentment when you’re with the person Lara Pitter, social worker
... something everyone wants, but most of us never find. Priya Matthew, web designer
...a word women use to get what they want. ...something fleeting. Undefinable. Feels good while it lasts. A bitch when it ends. Rohan George, lawyer
...feeling that person with every heartbeat. ...snuggling together under a blanket. Anna Matthan, PR consultant
...what your dog gives you unconditionally. Rahul M, lawyer
...a waste of time. ...commitment. ...something that works well for teeny-boppers. ...something that can be bought in today’s world. ...hard to find. Nilakshi Sengupta, film maker and event management consultant
...SMS-ing, not PMS-ing. ...going ‘undercover’ together. Bindu Kuriyan, Executive Assistant
...like a hangover... it hits you when you don’t expect it. ...like alcohol. You keep going back for more even when you know it’s not good for you. Sujjin John, web technology executive
...war for peace. ...never silent. Conan Pereira, speech & drama instructor
Then again, maybe one should just call it dumb luck when one finds it and pass on the introspection. It is frustrating, heartbreaking, joyous, sad... it can sweep you to the peak of ecstasy one moment and send you crashing down the next.
Fickle? Yes. Do we wish we didn’t need it? Sometimes. But do we all crave it deep down? Totally!