Do the jet-set really have better love lives, wonders Anita Menon
They look fabulous together — like the ultimate couple. They are every-one’s best-loved celebrity duo. We sigh when we think of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. He’s so good looking, and so sensitive, and so romantic. And she’s so cute and funny. They must have a fairy-tale life... right? Well, they’re still together, but remember when he and Gwyneth Paltrow split?
When we read about a celeb split in the papers, we reel in shock. “But they were so perfect for each other...” we wail in disbelief. The list is endless — Charles and Diana (a fairy-tale wedding to beat ‘em all!), Tom and Nicole, Meg and Dennis...
Welcome to the world of make-believe romance — one created and sustained by us, and one that is very hard to let go of, as it feeds our own love lives — or lack, thereof!
THE SEDUCTIVE SCREEN Look at some of the most romantic films of all time — Casablanca, Roman Holiday, Ghost, Pretty Woman and Runaway Bride ... and think about how you view the actors and actresses.
We see Audrey Hepburn as this delightful, elfin, Givenchy-clad creature (never mind the fact that she gave people on the sets a really tough time); Julia Roberts as a completely adorable woman who is soft and vulnerable (never mind that she throws hissy fits, and has not been able to stay with any one man for very long — maybe something to do with that underarm hair of hers); Richard Gere as dashing, hard-on-the-outside-softie-on-the-inside (OK, so he lives in a hut in Tibet — in winter... but that’s not too bad if you have thermal underwear!).
BUT IS REALITY AS GOOD? The music swells, they embrace, there’s a sunset, or a crowded street with people cheering, and we want it, and want it so badly. And because these actors and actresses have had the script and the sets behind them (which we tend to forget), we ascribe an inordinately high degree of romanticism to them, when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth.
Here’s what Brad Pitt supposedly said when someone asked him about marriage: “Being married means I can break wind and eat ice cream in bed.” For heaven’s sake, how much romance are you gonna get out of that scenario?
And Bruce Willis tried to play it down when he said, “Our marriage is like anybody else’s marriage. It goes through ups and downs. When we’re home, it’s not like we walk around all dolled up going, ‘We are celebrities! We are famous!’ I change diapers. I clean up dog do.”
But probably the most classic quote on a relationship is believed to have been spouted by dear ol’ Rolling Stone, Mick Jagger: “I should think that being my old lady would be all the satisfaction or career any woman needs.” You want romance like that??
LIFE AS IT IS... So where does this grand notion — that these people have more romance in their lives, and better lives than we do — come from?
According to relationship counsellor Sushma Sharma, “It is more a function of our transference. We ascribe certain characteristics to them, which are in fact, not based on anything concrete. We see their roles in a film and don’t realise that it has been crafted for them. They are just playing a role.”
Remember Tom Cruise and Rene Zellweger in Jerry Maguire ? That famous “You had me at ‘Hello”’? The line that had women reaching for a box of tissues and the men wishing it was really that easy? Would you watch that final scene and NOT think Tom was the most romantic dude that walked the planet?
“It’s easy to believe what you see, and ignore any suggestions of negativity that might surface about the actor or actress. At the end of the day, the film character is larger than life, and that’s the image that remains with us,” says counsellor Meenal Mehta.
And what of reports of romantic proposals, or grand gestures (Tom Cruise sent Nicole Kidman a $ 500,000 marble-floored trailer when she was on location)? “You can’t say how much of it is staged. When you are a personality, and you know that certain actions of yours are highlighted, you know what the ‘correct’ moves are, to create the right impact or impression,” says Meenal Mehta.
BELIEVING THE LIE The quest for romance is an eternal one — at least for women. We believe that the rich and famous are above petty squabbles and tiffs and live a lifestyle that allows them free time (the lack of which is the most common excuse from the average male these days) to woo and romance a woman. And THAT woman would never have a bad hair day, chipped nails and a kid screeching, ‘But I can’t find my homework for tomorrow!’ (Usually at about 10.00 pm).
But some-how, one must wonder: In real life, if a guy found out that the woman sitting in a bar with him was a princess, would he really be gallant, show her around his city and let her go, after swearing to keep a lid on it? Wouldn’t he sell his story to the tabloids and retire early on the proceeds? Would a millionaire really marry a woman from the wrong side of the tracks? (We aren’t drawing comparisons here to Anna Nicole Smith, okay?)
We are so cynical about everything else, but when it comes to doubting romance, we just don’t. We are ready and desperate to believe. Why? Because our life sucks? Because the guy we’re dating/married to has evolved into Mr Potatohead? Or because we haven’t had an orgasm in ages and are currently in the clutches of PMS? Maybe it’s all of the above. All I know is, I’m going home to watch a re-run of Pretty Woman tonight!