Want Mom to love your guy as much as you do? Nitya Alwani-Satyani has some very doable suggestions

All mothers have a mental picture of how the man in their daughter’s life should be. Nothing but the best will do. But while you appreciate your mom’s affection and concern, a girl will and should meet a few wrong men to get to the right one. It’s a learning process and quite a fun one at that. But try telling Mum that!

Here’s how to make the going easier all around:

Use The ‘He’s A Friend’ Ploy
At first, it might be better to let her get to know him as your friend. If you introduce him as your boyfriend, your mother is bound to watch him closely and be judgemental of him. And such close scrutiny will only make the poor guy conscious. So spare him the sizing-up. Take him home in a group of friends and let her see him for what he is. Then when she gets fond of him, you can let her know that your relationship with him is slightly more than just casual.

Let Him Impress Her
You are an instrumental factor in building a healthy relationship between your mother and boyfriend. Tell her good things about him, talk to her about all the nice things he does for you. When he comes over initially, make sure you are in a good mood and involve both of them in conversation since you’re probably the only comfortable person in that room.

Ask him to help your mother with a few errands if he can. Willingness never fails to impress. Initially getting her gifts and sending flowers is fine but after a while, the more involved he is in her day-to-day life, the more impressed she’ll be. For example, if she needs to move some heavy furniture around the house, or to pick your younger sibling from school, get him to offer to help out.

Let The Relationship Be Open To Scrutiny
Gain her trust. It’s very important for a mother to know that her daughter is in safe hands. So no matter how young you are and how reckless you feel, don’t misuse her trust. Your mother is going to like your man more if she knows he’s responsible and mature. Simple things help. Let her know where you’re going, how long you’ll be gone, and stay in touch by calling home if you’re late. Don’t be disobedient, stretch deadlines, come home drunk or lie to her.

Don’t Colour Their Ideas About Each Other
Do not share all your family secrets with him too soon. It’s great to have his shoulder to cry on every time your mother throws a fit over your messy room or new diet. But while that is a normal part of every mother-daughter relationship, it can sound melodramatic to a third person. If he meets your mother with the pre-conceived notion of her being a villain, it might show. And vice versa. Let them get to know each other first and form their own rapport and opinion about each other. There is a strong possibility, however, that this might backfire and they might gang up against you.

Work Him Into The Family Fold
Don’t keep him away from your family. Agreed you need to spend time with him alone, but that’s what dinner and movies are for. Occasionally, call him over and do fun things together with everyone at home. Play cards or board games, watch a movie or cook a meal. Seeing him in her house mingling as part of the family will definitely make it easier for Mom to like him.
And let him get to know your friends and siblings. Hang out and do things together. If they like him as a friend, they are bound to put in a good word to your mother.

Does He Make The Final Cut?
If your mother still does not like your boyfriend, try to see her point of view. No reasonable mother will reject a man who is good for her daughter and makes her happy. So if she doesn’t, maybe she’s seeing something you’re not. Maybe it’s time to really listen to what she’s saying — and then decide again for yourself if he’s the man for you.

GOT COMMENTS OR QUESTIONS? E-MAIL US AT femina@timesgroup.com WITH ‘ALL IN THE FAMILY — GET YOUR MOM TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND’ IN THE SUBJECT LINE