Illness
is an inevitable part of life and marriage - the reason why they insert that 'in
sickness, and in health' clause into wedding vows. We are of course, not
speaking of a terminal illness, but perhaps recuperation from an accident or a
long illness. "Initially, there is a period of shock," explains Dr Tushar Guha,
MD - Nrityanjali, psychologist, counsellor, management trainer and consultant,
who himself has nursed an ill spouse. "A weak spouse may just move away from the
situation, abandon the patient so to say, but a mature woman will develop an
attitude that is forward-thinking and constructive."
Live!
"People
thought I was frivolous, but I made sure I went out every Saturday night with my
friends when my husband was recovering," reveals Shloka Mani, whose husband was
victim of a serious hit-and-run accident in Delhi. "For those four months, it
seemed that my every hour when I was not at work was spent looking after him,
and those three hours every Saturday evening were what kept me from going
totally insane. I would recommend such 'self indulgence' to anyone in a similar
situation."
You'll
be better equipped to meet the demands of the caregiving situation if you
continue to do the things you most want to do - pursue your hobbies, indulge in
sport, meet your friends - even if only in the sitting room because you don't
want to stray too far from the patient. And keep the atmosphere cheerful - "Make
sure you dress well, create a positive environment with music, flowers, your
behaviour and interaction," exhorts Dr Guha. "You must continue to live. Doing
things for yourself is a cushion; it will keep you from grudging the time you
are expending on the patient, and will make him feel better."
Acknowledge
Feelings
Yes,
admit to resentment; rail at destiny, the Gods, even the patient - if his
situation is one that he called upon himself. Resentment is a human emotion, and
acknowledging it is the first step to getting over it and getting constructive
about the situation. There will also be feelings of inadequacy and turmoil. Says
Dr Guha, "It is important to keep your calm and be practical about the
situation."
Femina Archives
2006
